My low-libido intervention started in a small room in my heart. Not with a close cluster of good friends and family, just the Holy Spirit urging me to embrace this part of marriage with irreverent reverence.
Today I offer just one suggestion for your intervention.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God,”Philippians 4:6.
PRAYER is essential. It is the first weapon of offense for the low sex drive wife. It tethers you to the creator of sex for intimacy in marriage. It’s the first weapon of defense, too, because it helps repel the enemy.
I never dreamed that I would pray to God about sexual desire. It felt like I was praying for a new Ferrari, at first. Wasn’t it frivolous to want to have sexual desire? Wasn’t that just fluff? I should pray for my needs or other people’s needs, not my wants. However, the other half of this marriage (i.e. hubby) felt strongly that sexual desire on my part wasn’t just fluff.
Pray for libido resources to be revealed.
Pray resources will come to help you understand HOW to increase your sexual desire.
Every situation is different. Unfortunately, there is no ‘cure all.’ Female Viagra sounds enticing. However, a quick fix may not be the right fix. I am not discounting that God could bestow a libido miracle if he wanted. But, maybe part of your walk with God will involve being proactive with your married sex life.
Intentional Libido: Start reading, start googling, start talking to your friends and healthcare workers. Ask God to guide you to the knowledge you need to increase your libido for yourself and your husband. Be open to the unorthodox (not unethical or ‘sketchy’, just outside of the box a little), you never know where help may come.
Pray for relaxed communication with husband.
Let your hubby in on the secret. You are trying to improve your libido. Things got a lot better when Mr. Muscle (a.k.a. Dave) and I got comfortable talking outside of the bedroom about our sex life.
If there are sensitive items you need to discuss with your husband, pray for the exact right moment and words to convey your thoughts. You may want to tell him you need:
1) encouragement and positive words during the rendezvous.
2) more time to get in the mood, like a whole day.
3) a different technique (rough, gentle, faster, slower).
4) more non-sexual touch (affection) through the day. Etc….
God will give your husband an open heart to hear and accept what you have to say.
Pray for an attitude shift.
Find your jolly heart. Laughter and orgasm release nearly the same amount of feel good bonding chemicals in your brain. Your jolly heart will reshape the sexual encounter into a rendezvous, tryst, sexcapade, etc., not just a chore.
My jolly heart likes an inside joke. Sometimes I wear seductive undies. I think it’s funny because if the public only knew what this middle aged woman occasionally has on under her capris….and it makes me feel a little sexy, even when the persona I show to the world isn’t.
“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones,” Proverbs 17:22.
Ask your husband to pray with you and for you regarding sexual intimacy. In addition to libido, your husband can pray for ways to make you more comfortable and encouraged in the bedroom. He can pray how to connect with you more emotionally outside of the bedroom to eliminate all obstacles in regaining your libido.
Beautiful friend, know that God will answer your prayers positively!! God desires families to be strong. Families are strong through spiritual, emotional and physical unity of the mama and papa. Part of this unity comes from a satisfying sexual experience for both husband and wife.
If your husband is not as strongly connected to his faith as you, this may be a way to mentor your faith in God. As he witnesses you actively praying for answers to improve his most favorite ‘bonding time’, and seeing positive steps being made, hubby may begin to realize that there is something to this ‘faith’ stuff.
LOW LIBIDO IS NOT EXCLUSIVE TO FEMALES. Does hubby have the low libido? Start praying these things for him.
What have I forgotten? Please share your ideas or experiences about what other specific items can be prayed for regarding regaining libido.
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Yes, yes, yes! Also, pray that God will show you the everyday ways your husband is being your hero. Pray to see and appreciate the ways he provides and protects you and the family you have together. There is nothing more exciting and arousing than having your prince ride in to defend your castle.
Hi Patty! I’m so glad you’ve left these wonderful words of wisdom on praying for our hero’s!
Thank you. Important words.
I can attest that praying for increased desire for my husband has been one prayer that has been answered in an Ephesians 3:20 way!
For years I was depressed and eventually on medications that caused my sex drive to get stuck in park. And it was in park for almost 4 years while I was on the meds. I started praying and two years later my husband now complains that I am almost always initiating. Before, I turned him down on a regular basis. Now, I have to restrain myself when he walks in the door from work.
I don’t find it strange to pray about the sexual side of my marriage any more. And knowing God has answered this particular prayer in ways I have not even begun to imagine, helps increase my faith that He will do the same for all areas of my marriage. If I just ask…
Sheridan, what a beautiful testimony! Thank you for sharing your story. AMEN to your last paragraph. It will give others HOPE and encouragement to pray about a side of life not many think to pray about.
It is refreshing what you have shared.I am glad that I am connected to God who knows my needs and who will satsify me in a way that no viagra can.Thank you and God bless you!
I can only hope…after 2 kids, college work, chores, freelance graphic design, I have NO time to even think about sex. To me it seems like praying for God to give me my drive back is like….asking God if it’s ok to watch porn. A “not going to happen” situation. I was told getting right with God would make my desire for my husband stronger, but it’s gone the opposite way. I can only hope he’ll show me what I’m doing wrong or what’s causing my body to act like this.
It’s starting to cause a strain in our marriage.
I know God is rejoicing that you desire to make your marriage stronger through sexual intimacy! I truly wish to help you with this issue.
I think I hear you saying you are exhausted and that spirituality and sex are not compatible. Being exhausted is the #1 reason why women have low desire. I bet your husband would happily chip in on some housework to help you save some energy.
As kids, we get the message that sex is bad, sex is a sin….but we don’t get the rest of the story. After marriage, sex is a God-created, God-approved act of intimacy. Gen. 1:28, the first commandment given to man and woman is go forth and multiply….go forth and have sexual relations. God wants your marriage to thrive, not just survive. Asking God to give you desire for your husband (or to give you the resources to figure out HOW to have desire for your husband) is not the same as asking to watch porn. Asking God to rekindle your desire for your husband is praying for a healing so that both of you can carry out 1Cor.7:5.
You said that ‘getting right with God’ is not helping you with your desire but the opposite. My thought here is that in reconnecting with God, maybe you’ve dredged up some of the things you were taught about sex in earlier life…perhaps that ‘sex is dirty?’ I would suggest you read Intimacy Ignited, it’s two couples (Dillow & Pintus) writing about the Song of Solomon. It gives insight into God’s view of beautiful sexual intimacy.
Wanted to shqre that this is on point! I was tired and overwhelmed about having sexual relations. My libido was very very low but after prayer and getting off of birth control pills my sexual libido has risen. I still have a ways to go but my husband is happier seeing a change. We have been very vocal about our emotions and needs with open, honest & respectful communication. I shared this with my doctor and she agreed that the pills did have an affect on my libido. Thank you God for answered prayers!
Open communication is necessary to maintain sexual level of intimacy and try to do things together as far as possible it keeps the sexual desire and love burning too.