This has not been an easy week for me because the discussion of pornography is everywhere. Porn was a thorn in our marriage for awhile.
The founder of Playboy, the magazine that made the objectification of the female form more publicly acceptable, passed away a few days ago. In the banter this week considering his legacy, I read a statement that made me shake my head. Porn killed Playboy.
So, that means Playboy put itself out of business? The premise of this “porn-killed-Playboy” argument is that Playboy is an artistic rendering of nude female models. As hardcore pornography became more acceptable, Playboy lost its edge. And while I can intellectually understand this argument, the bottom line is Playboy promoted lustful thoughts. Art or not, it was pornography. So, yeah, Playboy did put itself out of business because apparently they weren’t aware of the science (I know, the science wasn’t even available until recently). Lust requires bigger and more diverse hits to keep the brain chemicals of arousal alive.
The definition of pornography
While on the subject of artistic renderings, a reader asked my definition of pornography because I do acknowledge that the male and female forms are beautiful.
He asked, “What is pornography specifically? And how do you define pornography for yourself? I am asking these questions, not to play “devil’s advocate”, but more specifically for this reason: It is impossible to avoid what one can’t define. I cannot think of anything else in Christian circles that is more universally condemned but so poorly defined.”
I’ve neglected answering this question for emotional reasons. Frankly, pornography picks away a scab that lets emotions bleed out. It brings up memories of betrayal. I feel empathy for wives who have endured the trauma of porn discovery. I feel agony for men and women in the clutches of sex slavery. I feel heartsick for men and women who are in the clutches of drug addiction and degrade their bodies in a transaction for drugs. And yes, I feel much compassion for the porn addict, as well!
But, that’s what sin does. It hurts a lot of people, not just those personally involved.
So, why do we need to define pornography? Needing a definition just seems to me that you want to put your toe all the way up to the very edge of the line.
Legally, we do need definitions.
That word, “legal,” however, bothers me. Legalism is more interested in rules than your heart (or motivations). Although we are to live out our lives within the boundary of God’s design and will, if our hearts are overflowing with the Holy Spirit, we will not even care what the definition of pornography is. Because, with the Holy Spirit overflowing in our hearts, we will be repelled from it. We won’t want to be in the same room with it or in the same football stadium with it. We will want to be far away from anything that grieves God, even if it is just a hint of grief.
“Stay away from every kind of evil,” 1 Thessalonians 5:22.
When we continually, daily fill our minds with beautiful, convicting, and life-giving scripture and our hearts are full of the Holy Spirit, it is easier to stay away from anything that resembles sin, let alone sexual immorality.
“Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you. And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment,” John 16:7-8.
To paraphrase Michael John Cusick, “sin-management” is not how you conquer lust. Sin management is white-knuckling it by sheer willpower. Sin-management worries about the definition of pornography. Conquering lust is about opening the tap of the Holy Spirit to flood within you.
How do you open that tap and flood your life with the Holy Spirit? Pray for the Holy Spirit to overflow from the wellspring of living water within your soul. You pray daily for God to help you surrender your life to him. You read scripture daily. You listen to Christian music the majority of the time. You fill your life with Christ. There are a lot of other things you should do if you are struggling with porn. You can find those out by reading, Surfing for God, by Michael John Cusick.
“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit,” Romans 15:13.
Now, I want to say something to the ladies who may have been caught up in a lifestyle similar to the one Playboy touted.
I have spoken with ladies who have worked at provocative places and they have an edge to them, daring me to judge them. I will not judge. (I want to love you into the family. I want to walk with you as you find full, whole, and complete inner healing through Jesus.)
Our conversations were confusing because in one breath they were justifying and in the other breath they were asking forgiveness. Working in that industry is so very confusing! Those in this business say it’s great! we need sexual liberation! Yet, in their hearts they question that. It is OK to question. It is good and right for you to know that your sexuality was given to you by God. That’s why there is an inner fight between the world and what God says. Quit fighting against that nagging little conscience. Your conscience is right. It is good and right that you are valued for your soul and who you are.
Beauty From Ashes is a program to help those coming out of the sex industry. It is a safe place to talk.
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit” Romans 8:1.
Edited (10.21.2019) to add:
How do nearly 3000 Americans define pornography?
The 2016 Barna Research Group study called, “The Porn Phenomenon: The Explosive Growth of Pornography and How It’s Impacting Your Church, Life, and Ministry,” asks how do Americans define pornography?
Turns out, it’s more a question of function than form. If it’s used for sexual arousal, it’s porn. Simple as that.
The top two reasons given were:
70%: if it’s watched/listened to/or read specifically for the purpose of sexual arousal
60%: if you masturbated while watching/listening to/or reading it
I love this…
Conquering lust is about opening the tap of the Holy Spirit to flood within you.
Such powerful truth!
Yes, amen
Not only porn, but all addictions, white knuckling it without the Spirit drains you away from God
Absolutely, Debbie! I agree.
I love this post, Bonny!
In research I did for an article about how Hugh Hefner was bad for women and our culture, I came across this amazing statement from him: “My industry, the magazine, never ever has been anything ever remotely related to pornography. If you think, and if you label, pinup pictures – pictures of nude ladies or semi-nude as pornography – then there is nothing that is erotic. And that is just a matter of labeling.” Whatever label he wanted to give it, his magazine treated women like objects (which he clearly admitted). When we pursue, as you say, what God really wants for our lives, then we won’t want to pursue imagery like those presented by Playboy and other sites. We’ll instead be focused on using our sexuality to glorify God: that is, seeking godly sexual intimacy in marriage.
I do not disagree at all with the thrust of your post, Bonny, and I abhor Hefner and all pornography, but I think it is unhelpful to leave it undefined in this way. Unhelpful in that it keeps porn unrecognizable, and unhelpful in that it allows the labeling of true beauty and godly sexuality as “porn” if the “spirit” leads someone to feel put off by them. Clarity is better.
Thank you for your work.
“I know it when I see it,” was the ambiguous definition that supreme court justice, Potter Stewart, gave regarding obscenity and hard-core pornography in 1964. Godly sexuality can never be labeled porn if the sexual intimacy honors the fidelity of the marriage bed, honors both spouses (neither is forced into something they don’t want to do), and is not digitized/documented or distributed for public consumption. As a wife of someone who has struggled with porn, I highly encourage couples to pray over whether they want to record their lovemaking. As for me, it brings up strong negative emotions and does not promote emotional intimacy. Porn is the titillating appearance of nude and even semi-nudes. In the end, pornography is any image (still or video) that steals sexual energy away from your spouse. The threshold for sexual energy is different for each person. So, this is where I feel that definitions are too legalistic. A person knows when they are being aroused in an ungodly way.
I’m not sure if I am addressing your concern. If not, can you give me a better example of “true beauty/godly sexuality” that you feel could be labeled as porn wrongly?
From the 2016 Barna Research Group study called, “The Porn Phenomenon: The Explosive Growth of Pornography and How It’s Impacting Your Church, Life, and Ministry,” asks how do Americans define pornography? Turns out, it’s more a question of function than form. If it’s used for sexual arousal, it’s porn. Simple as that.
When nearly 3000 participants were asked the question, “What makes something porn?” The top two reasons given were:
70%: if it’s watched/listened to/or read specifically for the purpose of sexual arousal
60%: if you masturbated while watching/listening to/or reading it
While I agree with what you’ve said, I also see a world and a church that is very confused about the matter. While the world most certainly gets it wrong most of the time, I don’t think the church and Christians get it right either. We have allowed the world’s abuse of sexuality and the human body to distort what our Godly view should be. Then we teach that to our children. Boys will lust at the sight of nudity or provocative attire and girls who dress that way or reveal too much are immodest. We have programmed ourselves to believe that this is an absolute and there is no possibility to see the human body as God sees it – simply beautiful. We have programmed ourselves to sexualize the body-there is no other option. Even worse, we have taught an unbiblical message to our youth that has only resulted in shame and confusion. There certainly can be complete nudity without lust and there can also be intense lust with complete clothing. There are numberous examples of both in the bible and in our world today. A man does not automatically have to lust at the sight of a nude female, but we teach that. In the name of avoiding sin and the evil of the world, we (the church) are responsible for creating a very unhealthy and unbiblical view of the human body. The sad part is that this has only served to confuse our youth, destroy our marriages, and push the world to be even more deviant. Real pornography of the Hugh Hefner veriety is certainly an evil that seeks to destroy and deceive, but our answer to this cannot simply be shame and extreme modesty about our bodies. Shame about our bodies was never God’s idea, but mans as a result of the fall. God still sees our bodies as good and beautiful, just like we should and can. We do NOT have to lust. We’re taught to do so, that there is no other choice.
I completely agree with you that the human body is beautiful and can be viewed without lusting and lust can happen toward someone who is fully clothed.
If you’ve read any of my other porn posts you will know I am a hearty advocate of grace. I say shame has no place in the discussion of sexuality.
I think your argument is for a paradigm shift in the general view of sexuality. There’s been a knee-jerk reaction by the Christian community in response to the world’s oversexualization. Some have gone too far to the right. We need a more balanced view of the body and sexual integrity. By a more balanced view, we need to think about sexual integrity in light of the gospel. If we mess up, we are forgiven.
Ah yes “I cant define it but I know it when I see it…” and thus it began
I once read or heard someone say it seems as though christians ” always want to go back to the garden speaking of Adam and Eve.The first consequence of their sin was to cover their nakedness from God and weve been trying to lose the leaves ever since …”
We know we cant go back so in moving ahead maybe we should lose the word “porn” As you point out it’s lust and as long as we use “porn” there will always be the arguments for what is and isnt just as I’m quite sure the judge was pondering in his own mind about what he did NOT want others to consider that which he found attractive or “erotic” as filthy pornography. I do the same thing so what is porn or leads me to lust may be different but just as bad even if more innocent than the images the word ” porn ” conjures. Since none of us knows what being naked in innocence is actually like we must heed the flaming sword guarding the garden gate Ive trued to dodge the blade and failed many times so this isnt a sermon from the choir. Thank you for your efforts to help others understand the beauty of biblical sexuality and dangers of confusing Gods gift with what the world thinks it knows when it sees with blind eyes.
I kind of disagree with you Wendell and with a lot of other folks on how they look at the scripture in Genesis. I think most people read into this quite a bit more than actually took place (which is dangerous) Rev 22:18. For example, you say that “The first consequence of their sin was to cover their nakedness from God and weve been trying to lose the leaves ever since …”. God did not cover their nakedness, they did. God did not instruct them to cover up, their own self imposed shame made them do this, not God. If you look into shame in the Bible, you’ll hardly ever see God inflicting or enforcing shame on anyone – they do it to themselves. Shame is a man-made thing. Sure, God did provide a much better covering for Adam and Eve than what they had come up with, but he didn’t force them to wear it, they chose to. Man chose to carry the shame of sin beyond the garden. Through the years we have chosen to make shameful many things and behaviors that God never condemned. For example, even if God had commanded them to wear the garments He made, for both of them this was only a loincloth. That means that the woman’s breasts were not covered. Yet we (man) have “decided” that the female breasts are lewd and shameful and sexual and thus need to be covered. We have created the shame of female breasts, not God. He’s perfectly fine with female breast exposure. I challenge you to find anything that says He’s not.