In trying to revive my libido, sketchy (questionable) methods were available. But, should I use them to ramp up my libido?
As a Christian, but not a prude, are there limits in this arena? If I reserve my ‘freaky’ for only my husband isn’t it OK to bring the entire circus to town? What if the initial surge of libido sparks some great romps in the marital sack, but ultimately grieves God?
Pornography (images), erotica and erotic romance (the latter two are literature, and NOT the same thing I’ve found) are quick fixes. But, are they in line with a healthy restoration of libido?
Healthy Thinking from the Bible
The Bible states a few things about healthy thinking, which spills over into all aspects of a healthy life, including libido and sex.
Think on these things from Phil. 4:8, whatever is:
True
Noble
Right
Pure
Lovely
Worthy of Respect
Virtues from Galatians 5:22-23
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Self-Control
The Center for Healthy Sex States (no religious affiliation):
1. Healthy sex is not secretive or shameful to yourself or another person.
2. Healthy sex is not abusive in any way.
3. Healthy sex is not used to ignore or escape feelings.
4. Healthy sex requires an emotional connection with the other person.
5. Sexual health is about love, respect, mutual caring, giving and receiving pleasure, and a desire to know yourself and your partner in a deeper way.
These three lists are ‘quality control.’ Align your libido starters within this range and you are going to have a healthy sex life. There will be no negative emotions lurking in the background to sabotage your emotional connection with the spouse.
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| Statue of David, Florence, Italy (vichie81) |
Are there beautiful nude images that would not be considered pornography? YES. I have stood amazed at the statue of David in Florence, Italy…..breathtaking. God makes good stuff. Our bodies are marvels of physics, biology and beauty.
Does staring at pornography create an emotional connection with your spouse? No. It actually steals your sexual energy that should only be reserved for your spouse.
Be careful ladies, of your reading material. Be careful of the genre you enter. There are dark ideas that once implanted in your brain, you cannot remove.
“Everything is permissible for me — but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me — but I will be mastered by nothing,” 1Corinthians 6:12.
Pornographers know that they have an untapped audience and are researching how to get into the pockets (pants?) of women. This will be through the guise of romance and relationship and lead to ever increasing situations that will desensitize the female response and finally desensitize to shocking images. Beware, I foresee a trend where pornographers will increase their pursuit of the female audience. Guard your hearts.
According to Mark Kastleman, when women are desensitized enough through media and tv, their brains will adopt a more male-like nature. Kastleman also warns against internet chatrooms as more enticing to women than men because they are relational in nature.
SOUL SATISFACTION
The soul is mysteriously intertwined with the flesh covering. The flesh is extremely sensitive and sensual. It quickens with novel and unusual. But, novel and unusual may not be healthy.
Marriage should ultimately focuses on soul and spirit, although much of my postings have to do with the sensual/physical libido. Neither of us are possessions of the other. We serve the community striving to embody the virtues above. Our joy is spiritually connecting with Christ as our focal point.
Jesus said, “The Spirit gives life. The flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.” John 6:63.
Connecting through the literal and physical one flesh marriage is second to cultivating a relationship with the Lord, as an individual and then as a couple.
Ultimately YOU have to decide where your boundaries are. These are my personal guidelines and maybe something for others to ponder.
Practical Tools:
1. Self-Introspection: Candid evaluation of what’s going on in your head (Gal. 6:4)
2. Take Positive Action: Do not merely listen to the Word, DO WHAT IT SAYS (James1:22)
3. Frank discussion with your Mister about what he feels are Biblical libido boundaries.
4. PRAY
My prayer for you, beautiful friend, comes from Philippians 1:9-11.
“And this I pray, that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense until the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God,”
OTHER BOUNDARIES
How Internet Pornographers Market to Women vs. Men by Mark Kastleman
MEMBERS OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE BLOGGERS ASSOCIATION (Commenting on “mommy porn”)
How Kindles Can Wreck Your Marriage by Shelia Gregoire,
also see Wifey Wednesday in how to support your friends’ marriages.
Porn for Women by Mystery32
’50 Shades’ and Infidelity by Affaircare
Stop Grey From Becoming the New Black and White by The Romantic Vineyard
Lead us Not Into EBook Temptation by Marriage by Divine Design
Be Careful Little Eyes What You See by The Alabaster Jar
50 Shades of Great Sex with Your Husband by Intimacy In Marriage
Escape Into Grey by The Generous Wife
A Disturbing Trend in Female Sexual Preferences by The Generous Husband
If this is your first time visiting OysterBed7, Welcome! Please stay awhile, peruse the archives and don’t forget to follow me via facebook fanpage or twitter (@oysterbed7)
Fabulous job, Pearl! Thanks for linking up with Marital Oneness Mondays as well!
Thank you for visiting, Jolene. I appreciate the opportunity you allow through your linkups! Great to minister together!
Thank you Bonny for sharing this. Pornography is not something anyone just wants to look at starting off…trust me. It is a slow fade into darkness and it starts small. A photo here. A erotic story there. And then the progression begins.
Thanks for your reminder, Stu. Don’t even get started viewing, no matter what the reason (excuse). It’s a slippery slope that’s superhard to recover from.
Thanks for the link! Great perspective on Biblical thinking about sex.