If you are just joining the Sex Drive Transformation Challenge, WELCOME and please see the INTRODUCTION HERE.
(Husbands, if you are reading, you are invited to pray these scriptures and thoughts over your wives.)
Last week, I noticed that my neighbor’s yard was way greener than any other in the neighborhood. Not being much of a yard person, I didn’t turn too green with envy.
Fast forward a couple of days, I was out getting the mail and took an upclose look at their grass. It was spray painted! Actually, I think it’s some kind of fancy fertilizer, but still, it was fake.
The grass is not always factually greener on the other side of the fence. Sometimes that green is just spray painted on the surface.
Although the above actually happened, it’s not a new analogy. Sometimes, old analogies have to be repeatedly beaten into our brains.
Don’t compare your mate to other mates. Most all of us spray paint on our public façade. We have a slightly different persona at home. What you see isn’t always what you get, even though we should always act the same in public as in private.
You married your man for many wonderful qualities. Qualities that are going to be different from the next guy. Focus on the wonderful qualities that are present, not the qualities you wish that were there. Be in love with your real man, not your ideal man.
After decades of marriage, I was finally blessed to know my husband’s bright and dark sides. It is a blessing because I want to know ALL of him. But, in knowing all of him he took that chance that he wouldn’t be my ideal anymore. Well, heck am I HIS ideal? I’ve got personality warts and dispositional basal cell carcinomas.
Our Ideal has to be Real. Ideal images are unrealistic expectations. Why always be disappointed when our expectations are astronomical? Should we strive to be the ideal mate? Yes, but only if it doesn’t inhibit your ability to appreciate the real in ourselves and our spouse.
That goes for our libidos! If you’ve been struggling and are trying to reform, don’t set up astronomical expectations for yourself! I rarely hear the overnight success story. I do hear lots of success stories that took years in the making. Consistent forward motion, no matter how tiny an increment, is still headed in the right direction. It’s the old axiom, slow progress is still progress.
This week’s positive action verb and thought will focus on approval and appreciation to counter the comparison game.
Key 15
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbors’,” Exodus 20:17.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows,” James 1:17.
Positive Thought (action verb: Applaud)
I applaudmy choice in a husband. I applaudGod’s design of sexual intimacy. I applaudmy continuing effort to increase my sexual energy.
It’s always so refreshing and encouraging to be around husbands and wives that live out this applause and genuine love for each other and for the Lord!
It shows up in the smallest of details; their tone of voice when speaking to each other, holding hands, frequent eye contact, smiling, how they compliment and build each other both publicly and privately. It sets a great example for others and gives hope for marriage.
Great post!
Thank you, Greg! I love that you mentioned the smallest of details. To me focusing on the smallest nuances help me understand the biggest of blessings. It’s really the small stuff that counts!
Great post! Because I live in Los Angeles and my husband works in Hollywood, it is always fascinating to me how people compare their sex life with those from the movies and television shows. They don’t realize how “unsexy” those shoots really are! There is nothing sexy about being midway through a kiss and being told “Cut! Now, tilt your head just a quarter of an inch to the right… Action!” If only people could see how those scenes were made, they might stop comparing.
Hi Fawn, thank you for stopping by! Cinematic sex is something I’ve been contemplating a lot recently. It’s just ‘spray painted.’ I wonder if there is a documentary that could help people see the realities of it?