I am a member of the Christian Marriage Blogger’s Association. In the month of October, we have been challenged to share Words of Wisdom we’ve learned from: Family, Bible, Friends, Blogs & Books.
Today, I share wisdom I learned from books (blogs weren’t prevalent when we were at our crisis point).
Our marriage bed started to turn around when we read, “His Needs/Her Needs,” back in the early naughts (‘00s).
Today, I share wisdom I learned from books (blogs weren’t prevalent when we were at our crisis point).
Our marriage bed started to turn around when we read, “His Needs/Her Needs,” back in the early naughts (‘00s).
Our marriage bed turned around because our entire marriage changed and our marriage changed because our marriage bed turned around. It was a cycle.
His Needs/Her Needs opened my eyes to see how sexual intimacy is woven through the entirety of marriage. Nearly every interaction good or bad can have consequence in your relationship sexually. Problems connecting sexually with your spouse can be an indication of other relationship problems. On the flip side, it’s easier to connect sexually when you are both feeling loved and solid in the relationship.
I had compartmentalized sex. It was a superficial, fleshly, feel-good act. Even though I had grown up in a sex-positive household, I didn’t grasp the concept that sexual intimacy was an emotional experience.
But, once I was pointed down the right path, I began a quest of understanding my husband’s brain and why sex was so much more emotional for him than me. The second book I read along my journey was, “What Could He Be Thinking,” by Michael Gurian. It blew my mind.
More recently, “Boundaries,” by Cloud & Townsend has brought a freedom into my life. It gave me Biblical permission to understand what I’d been feeling intuitively and yet suppressed because of being mis-taught some key concepts.
As I gain health personally, contentment has spilled over into marriage.
That’s the way of libido for me. As I try to improve as an individual, physically, emotionally and spiritually, I find it is so much easier to be a sexually charged creature. Probably because I’m liking who I am more and more.
If this is your first time visiting OysterBed7, Welcome! Please see why sex is my focus, peruse the archives and don’t forget to follow me via facebook fanpage or twitter (@oysterbed7)
Books read together can also spark discussion. Some conversations are awkward to get started but with help of a good author…
Patty, you are absolutely right! I hadn’t thought of that and it’s a valuable tidbit!
I call the process of engaging emotionally “emotional undressing”. Changing contexts from work/school/childcare into sexy-time doesn’t always happen automatically, but we can learn to do it.
For low libido gals, it takes a lot of learning. 🙂 I like your term, “emotionally undressing.” Thanks for stopping by El Fury. I like what you’re doing over at marriedchristiansex.com.