Spring Break, 1976, bicentennial year and my parents decided we’d do a historical tour. It was one week after my 10thbirthday and we were in Gettysburg, PA. Just where you want to be when ‘you become a woman,’ far from home!! My mother was going through menopause at the time. My sister loves to remind me that after my first cycle completed, I told mom I was “ready for mini-pause.” I had already had enough of this womanly stuff!
Mini-Pause is finally starting to arrive.
Technically, menopause is tied to a specific date. It is the last day of flow of the very last cycle. The process of menopause is when the ovaries say, “I quit!” Thankfully, they usually give longer than a two week notice. It’s gradual. The ovaries discontinue producing estradiol, progesterone and testosterone. Due to this hormone cessation, monthly female menses eventually discontinue completely. This process can begin as early as age 35. It is usually completed by mid-50.
Menopause is a slow progression, nothing to be scared of. Remember, before you had kids, looking at teenagers and thinking how could I ever parent a hormone monster? Well, you don’t give birth to a teenager right off the bat. You give birth to a precious little love-bug. Each day is a tiny step towards their independence. Once you arrive at the teen years, you’re moderately prepared. So with your body, estrogen production doesn’t come to a screeching halt (unless you’ve had some kind of medical intervention). The brakes are pumped a few times before coming to a complete stop.
Don’t be a victim of your hormones! Here are 11 thoughts:
1. Things start drying out with less estrogen production. My blemish prone face is now much better! But, my eyes and vaginal region is not. I moisten my eyes with drops. Lubrication in the nether regions is very important now. But, it’s been fun to try new lubricants. See Pearl Post Buttery Love.
2. You do not have to be a psycho unless you let yourself be. Nothing irks me more than to hear someone excuse bad behavior because of menopause. Take responsibility for your mental health. If you find that you are more irritable or anxious talk with your doctor.
3. The process of menopause does not make you a sexless creature. Some women have diminished libido and others get ramped up. IF you end up on the low end of libido, again, you don’t have to be a victim. There are ways to treat low libido, mentally, physically and spiritually. That’s a lot of what this blog focuses on. I’m the low-libido poster child. What has helped me includes; consistent frequency of sex (use it or lose it!), hormones, exercise and remaining emotionally connected with Mr. Muscle.
4. Talk with your doctor as symptoms arise. With age, health issues may arise. Be your own advocate. Many issues can involve your sex drive and sex life. There’s usually several different ways to tackle a health issue. If one seems to affect your sex life, TELL YOUR DOCTOR. I specifically have a female ‘lady doctor’ so I won’t be embarrassed telling her intimate details. If you’re not comfortable telling your current physician details about your sex drive or sex life, find a doctor you will be at ease with. ASK your friends if they like their docs. Here’s a link to help you talk with your doctor about menopause.
5. Do your kegels! OFTEN….not only for your sex life to keep the vaginal walls ‘toned.’ But, for bladder control. It can go out on you early.
6. Sex really does get better with age. I’m not the first one to say this! Mechanically, we’ve both been reading brail for so long every bump, dash and exhale has meaning. Emotionally, we are at ease. For more than half of my life, we have laughed, cried, confessed, and conferred as we walked this faith journey. Plus, the combination of my diminishing fertility and Mr. Muscle’s vasectomy helped with the anxiety of possible pregnancy.
7. Sometimes I need a day or three to recuperate after sexual activity. In addition to drying out, vaginal walls start to thin. It’s not that the vaginal area hurts, it’s just tired. The ‘tiredness’ got better when lubrication was increased.
8. I have an achy hip-flexor and mild sciatica. We avoid certain positions because it will aggravate my iliopsoas. There will be aches and pains for you and him. You’ll just need to experiment to find positions that aren’t painful. Get creative, think outside of the box (or off of the bed).
9. The rate of the male sexual slow-down depends on the male. I hear about erections taking longer and sexual desire waning. Mr. Muscle is nearing 50 (in a month), and the slow down has not been radical.
10. Exercise. I am a broken record when it comes to this. But, there’s no way around it. It’s helped me retain my ‘sexy.’ It helps soothe my aches and pains. Plus, the mid-life fat cell is tenacious. Mere calorie cutting won’t keep you svelte (or in my case svelte-ish) after about 40. See “Get Physical,” my guest post at The Alabaster Jar.
11. Sleep can become a precious commodity. This is the most disconcerting item for me at the moment. I usually don’t have a problem going to sleep. It’s that I can’t sleep past 4:30 a.m. Sometimes, I wake up even earlier and can’t get back to sleep. Sexual activity and exercise do help this. But, it’s very frustrating. It reminds me of the tiny baby days of sleep deprivation. I try natural methods, milk before bed seems to help me the most. But, when I’m desperate it’s Tylenol PM or Unisom.
Thank you, Sarah and Abraham!! I am greatly encouraged that at ages 90 & 100, Sarah and Abraham were still enjoying the comfort of sexual relations. She laughed when the Lord (appearing as three visitors) told Abraham she would conceive because she was far passed the age of fertility. (Genesis 18 & 21) There is hope for us, beautiful ladyfish! We can enjoy sexual intimacy with our hubbies FAR PASSED the age of fertility. Not long ago, I found out that a dear 70 year old friend had only recently found her clitoris. So, it is NEVER too late to enjoy the pleasures of the God-created act of sexual intimacy.
Thank you, Sarah and Abraham!! I am greatly encouraged that at ages 90 & 100, Sarah and Abraham were still enjoying the comfort of sexual relations. She laughed when the Lord (appearing as three visitors) told Abraham she would conceive because she was far passed the age of fertility. (Genesis 18 & 21) There is hope for us, beautiful ladyfish! We can enjoy sexual intimacy with our hubbies FAR PASSED the age of fertility. Not long ago, I found out that a dear 70 year old friend had only recently found her clitoris. So, it is NEVER too late to enjoy the pleasures of the God-created act of sexual intimacy.
“And Sarah said, ‘God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh over me,'” Genesis 21:6.
Praying for your laughter during years that are rumored to be fraught with negatives. Don’t believe all you hear! J
Disclaimer: I have been on bio-identical progesterone cream and testosterone oil for about three years. So, I am easing through the process. This treatment was sought due to several factors; horrible night sweats, fatigue, weight gain with inability to lose it, and no libido. I can’t say enough good about them, but that’s my personal opinion. There are pros and cons to hormones, bio-identical or otherwise. Read more about them here.
See this mayo-clinic page regarding Symptoms of Peri-Menopause for a more complete listing.
Linking with Jolene at The Alabaster Jar: Marital Oneness Mondays.
Linking with Sheila Gregoire’s tolovehonorandvacuum: Wifey Wednesday.
OK, beautiful readers, what can you add about your peri-menopause experience and your sexual health? What have I forgotten?
See this mayo-clinic page regarding Symptoms of Peri-Menopause for a more complete listing.
Linking with Jolene at The Alabaster Jar: Marital Oneness Mondays.
Linking with Sheila Gregoire’s tolovehonorandvacuum: Wifey Wednesday.
OK, beautiful readers, what can you add about your peri-menopause experience and your sexual health? What have I forgotten?
Oh goodness friend, rhe post that I’m working on is so closely related to yours! Minus the age factor when I went through it. I had my tubes tied right after the birth of my youngest and although the docs don’t tell you there’s ramifications to your hormones by doing this, I can attest that there is!
WOW! I did not know there could be hormone ramifications from having your tubes tied. But, when you mess with the delicate insides, I guess there can be consequences. Looking forward to your words and will link it up when you finish.
more information on tubes being tied to hormonal issues.. Hmmm first I’ve heard of that. Interested in more info.
Great post BTW enjoyed reading about my upcoming and current issues. I agree with the control your mood swings and attitude. Don’t use it as an excuse. Definitely true for all women in all walks of life. I know I’m more emotional at times with PMS but it’s no excuse to act any way I want. I plan on teaching my daughter the same.
Key-E Carlson suppositories ~ coconut & palm oils with Vitamin E
I have used this for several years now. It saved our sex life!!
Being so dry the cervical wall dries and for me it cause a bit of bleeding. I started out having to use a whole one now I only use 1/3 of one and sometimes that is a bit much. No more bleeding and a whole lot more FUN!!! Even after almost 42 yrs of marraige 🙂
BTW ~ from time to time (like today) I repost your posts on our Song of Solomon Women wall. It is a private group on Face Book. Thank you for sharing……Cindy
Cindy, thank you for sharing the suppository information. I love hearty recommendations about what works! And, girlfriend, 42 years and your still rockin’ it!!! That’s awesome!! I greatly appreciate your sharing the OysterBed with others. I hope it is of some service. Let’s keep marriages for the glory of God!
Amen ~ to God be the glory. Not only 42 yrs but to a “rockin’ it” pastor!
Cindy
I love it!! No prude in your pulpit. You two must be an incredible team.
Well, we try 😀
Cindy
Cindy, would you be willing to share your experience more fully with me? It sounds like your experience could be something that would help others. Please email me. pearlmail3 at gmail dot com. Thank you.
Ok, I’m a younger woman and not here yet, but I have been told that I need to know this. I really want to write a post with a list of information compiled from older women telling younger women what they want to know. I’ve got one list – but ONLY ONE!! – and I’d love more. Can you think about it and maybe e-mail me a short list of what you think we 20-somethings and 30-somethings need to know about sex? I would be forever indebted to you. Yes, I’ve resorted to begging…no one wants to talk about this!! Please help me. 🙂
Elizabeth@Warrior Wives
warriorwives@hotmail.com
YES, absolutely!! I’ll connect via email asap.
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I’ve been going through the linked Marriage blogs looking for some help/encouragement for understanding & rekindling a Christian Marriage bed. My sex drive (and my husband’s) has come to a screeching halt. We’re 42 years old, but have only been married since April.
We’ve had kind of an odd relationship. We started off dating & moved in together within a month (about 3 years ago)with a VERY healthy sex life. We both got saved back in 2009 and God did an amazing work in our lives. Over the course of about a year, God revealed to us that we should not have been living together outside of marriage. We decided that we would move our relationship toward getting married. We prayed for Him to cool our sexual desires until we could work through the pre-marital counselling with our pastor and save ourselves for the marriage bed. We convinced ourselves that we could still live under the same roof, but just not have sex. Again, God moved in our lives by showing us that what we were doing was STILL wrong. We still had more work to do and more commitment to make. My (then) boyfriend moved out and lived with a widower from our church until the wedding. Seven months later, we were married. He moved back home after the honeymoon. While we have a TERRIFIC relationship, friendship, and marriage, our sex life is pretty much non-existent these days.
I just recently started praying for God to bless our sex life. I kind of thought that would be rather crass of me. Asking God to give us GREAT SEX! But really, isn’t sex God’s GIFT to a married couple? I know that there is work involved to get to God’s Promises… so I’m trying to figure out how to get myself out of this slump & do the work. I’m very self concious and my body image stinks. I’ve gained some weight over the last few years (WE gained some weight!!!) and that doesn’t help matters, either. I just need some confidence in the bedroom but I don’t know how to get it. Exercise & losing this excess weight will absolutely help me, I know it. But I also need some mental boosting, as well.
SO… with all of that said (sorry, I ramble), I am VERY MUCH looking forward to reading your blog and I’m very happy to have stumbled onto it! 🙂
Hi Kim! I am so blessed God has brought you to the OysterBed. First of all, I highly respect how you and your husband have sought to live in a way pleasing to God! You said God did an amazing work in your life together…I know He will continue to do so. You’ve just hit a momentary slump, beautiful lady!!
You’ve hit upon the key, PRAYER! It is totally OK to pray for your sex life. See my past post called Best Kept Secret to Low Libido….it’s all about praying for your sexual intimacy. God will lead you to the right resources for your particular situation. Although sexual intimacy isn’t the only facet to a good marriage, it’s really important to keep it running smoothly.
Body Image is delicate and difficult. Focus on what you do like about yourself. You have beauty, I hear it in your words. I know your man loves what he’s got in you! I look forward to hearing more from you.
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Thank you for speaking up about this! I went into early onset menopause a couple years ago when I was only 28 (they think it was from long term starvation since I had pretty bad hyperemetic pregnancies). I was flummoxed by the host of symptoms until we figured it out. I’m on OTC treatments right now that take care of *most* of the symptoms, but it has been really disheartening to realize I’ll be going through this for the next 20 years. I appreciate your positive attitude and practical suggestions. Thank you!
You are young to be dealing with this. It does become normal after awhile. Hang in there! Fortunately, more women are sharing ways to make the change not so scary.