My 20-something son phoned me very upset. His girlfriend had given him an ultimatum of sorts. She told him she may never believe in God, let alone a savior in Jesus Christ.
He understood that even as the boyfriend, he had a budding leadership role to promote unity of faith. This was a pivotal life moment.
When words came forth from my heart in counsel to my hurting son, I knew they were of the Holy Spirit. I am not clever or discerning enough. These are the 7 things my son was asked to contemplate regarding his potential future with this young lady.
1. As the husband, how will you promote spiritual unity within the home?
How do you anticipate marriage will flow if she doesn’t believe as you? Will you expect conflict or calm, especially down the road when the newness of romance and honeymoon have long worn into everyday life? Will you ever find spiritual joy together?
(Phil. 2:1-18)
2. Where will you find the worth of your marriage and life together?
“For you know it wasn’t with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you by your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect,” 1Peter 1:18-19.
3. What will be your purpose in life together?
Will it be to work day-in and day-out to accumulate wealth and earthly treasure…or will your purpose be to look outside of yourselves to serve with God-endowed talents?
“But, whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many,” Matthew 20:26-28.
4. What ‘life-manual’ are you going to use?
As much as I’m an optimist, imperfect humans can’t be trusted to write and remain true to their own ‘moral code.’ Having high morals and integrity are good things. Non-believers exhibit these fine qualities. But, when these qualities are strengthened with the mercy and grace of Christ and the truths of God-breathed scripture, marriages can thrive.
5. When problems arise (and they will), how will you work through them?
When the husband and wife both have personal relationships with Jesus Christ, the marriage has an overtone of humility. If God forgave me of my sins because of Christ’s sacrifice, how can I not forgive my husband of his sins? Problems are prayed about and solutions revealed. (Eph. 4:23) Will divorce be an easy next step if the bride and groom haven’t mutually committed marriage vows unto God?
6. From where will your children’s HOPE come?
To me, this is MOST IMPORTANT. Don’t you want to leave a legacy of HOPE for your children and subsequent generations? Don’t you want to give them knowledge of the peace that passes all understanding in this world and eternal life in the next? Fill their hearts with spiritual substance so that when they yearn for purpose and understanding they won’t run to drugs/alcohol/sex, they will run to the Bible.
“We, who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It’s an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us…,” Hebrews 6:18-20 (The Message).
7. Are you prepared to teach your children about God and Christ and Holy Spirit ALL BY YOURSELF?
Or, do you want a partner who will help impart Christ’s love and Biblical words to your children? (Eph. 6:4)
Be strong and courageous, my dear son. Marriage is much more complex than just a fun outlet of sexual expression. If you are building a life together, who is the mortar between your bricks? What tools are you going to use? The wise man builds his house upon the rock.
“……Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go,” Joshua 1:8-9.
My prayer for you, young mama: “God, please endow this lovely lady with insight for the future of her children or the children she mentors. Help her be open to the Holy Spirit’s guidance when tough questions arise from these children. Give her a ready answer about her faith and why her faith strengthens every facet of her life. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.”
See Also: She Said, “YES!” Now What?
See Also: She Said, “YES!” Now What?
Amazing wisdom based on God’s Word. I am so glad that my husband is a believer so that we walk this path together. We teach our children together. We focus on God’s desire and design for our marriage. And I know when death parts us, we will see each other again someday.
While it does happen (my grandfather became a Christian well into his marriage to a believer), there are no guarantees. You gave a great perspective here.
Thanks for stopping by, J, and your words of support. You are right, it may be God’s plan for a believing spouse to convert a non-believer, but there are no guarantees…
I ♥ this! You had so much wisdom in the questions you asked. I love your prayer at the end of this post, I pray that I have the wisdom and grace you did in similar situations with my kids.
Good to see you! Isn’t it amazing when the Holy Spirit moves in your life? I was so grateful He supplied the grace and wisdom.
Oh Pearl, what great questions for your son. I have prayed for him, just now, to be wise in this relationship and for continued wisdom for you as you counsel him.
Thank you for your prayers on my son’s behalf! I am honored you took the time to lift him up. As Paul Harvey used to say, “Now, the rest of the story…,” My son’s relationship with the young lady mentioned came to a close. They had such different priorities and outlooks it was a natural dissolution. If you would pray that God is molding his future bride to share his beliefs, that would be wonderful! I’m blessed you took the time to comment!
Knowing your boys for years, I have seen your wonderful mothering first hand. I know it has to be so hard to give them that guidance and then trust that they will make a good, godly decision. It’s also not easy to see your children hurting, letting them learn that God has so many promises to fulfill when we follow Him while choosing a mate. I know that I dated quite a few guys that didn’t share my faith before I met my husband. In fact, my husband wasn’t a christian when we met. It was after about a year of studying with them that he finally became a christian. Shortly after, his friends would make comments about how I was changing him and they would try to drag him back into their worldly ways. It angered me because I though that since we were in our late 20’s that peer pressure was left way behind us. It also made me get on my knees and pray to God that He would open my guy’s heart to His will, but if he was going to pull me away from my relationship with my savior I wanted God to take him away from my life. Almost immediately our relationship grew stronger than ever because my future husband at the time began to cultivate his own relationship with God.
Thank you, Jewelfish! I praise God for your wonderful marriage. It is an example for us all to follow.
What good advice! I need to save this for when my three boys are all grown up in case they face the same situation. Thanks for sharing!
Elizabeth@Warrior Wives
Thank you for visiting, Elizabeth! Helping your kids consider huge life decisions is daunting. But, I know you are a praying mama and wife. HE will guide you through! If these words are of any benefit, it is because they are from God not me. Blessings to you.
I have daughters, but this is wise counsel for those who will listen.
At the end of the school year, we were reading Proverbs 1. Verse 7 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” The entire chapter is great, but my 7 year old still brings up the topic of wise counsel often.
You have a very astute 7 year old, Sheridan. I pray she (and the rest of your children) continues to accept wise counsel. Thanks for blessing me with your thoughts! I need to re-visit Proverbs 1.
Wonderful advice Pearl! So glad you wrote your heart in this post to share with others. I know it will bless many.
Thank you, my dear friend.
Such a great post. I find as a mother that preparing my sons spiritually is so overwhelming at times, and I do often think of how what I do now is not only preparing them for life in general, but also likely as future husbands.
I think marriage is hard enough in general, but when it is between two people who don’t share a common faith… and a commitment to that faith… then it is especially lonely and hard. I know because my first marriage was textbook example of unequally yoked.
I pray often for my sons’ future wives. Though I do not know them now, I know that God does.
Anyway, thanks for the GREAT post! Keep it up!
Good to hear from you, my friend! Of all the successful marriages that surround me, faith is the resounding factor they have in common. I pray all of our children will have the wisdom to consider shared faith even when in the dating phase. Blessings to you, Julie.