Sometimes, perking up low sexual drive is just a matter of remembering how to tap into your senses. If sexual intimacy is something you struggle with, thinking about being a sensual woman may be overwhelming. You wonder what the big deal is about being sensual?
When I first started to rebuild my interest in sex, I realized that I had stopped experiencing the world with my body. I was only experiencing it through my mind.
Before you can relish physical sensations, you have to be aware of them. I think many of us are so busy with life, we forget to stop, feel, see, and smell the roses. Knowing how to pay attention to physical sensations outside of the bedroom, will help develop awareness of physical sensations inside the bedroom.
So, let’s start with the basics.
The word sensual is derived from the Latin term sensualis meaning pertaining to the senses, endowed with feeling, and connected with gratification of the senses. Let’s progress through these meanings in order to become more sensually aware.
Of pertaining to the senses
Practice slowing down and experiencing the moment through your senses. Be aware of touching, tasting, smelling, hearing, and seeing.
Festivities, whether an office party, a bowling outing, or a feast like Thanksgiving offer an abundance of delicacies for your senses. Aromas (or odors at the bowling alley) to smell. Food to taste. Beautiful table settings to see. The fabrics of the season to feel. Conversation and music to hear.
Slow your brain down enough to take in your surrounding and savor them with your visceral senses.
- Roll the textures of food around in your mouth. Is it crunchy, smooth, a little of both?
- Feel if cutlery is heavy silver or smoothly polished. Can you pick up any imperfections on the silverware through the skin on your fingers?
- Listen with attention to music and laughter of teenagers in the mall. Are the tones high or low? Is the volume too loud or too soft?
- Carefully observe the color of the cranberry relish or the color of your husband’s eyes. (Personally, I’m enthralled with color. To me, the variation and intensity of colors is some of God’s best work.)
Endowed with feeling.
You were made by God to feel, physically and emotionally. These two things often interact. Let your senses fill your emotions with wonder. As you hug your loved ones goodbye, feel the frail frame of your mom and the stoutness of uncle joe. Let those physical hugs translate into tenderness in your heart.
Connected with gratification of the senses.
It’s OK to be in tune with the things that please your senses.
I’ve been guilty of looking at the “higher things” such as debating a theological point or studying a complex biochemical process as the only worthy pursuits. This was a stumbling block. It was also arrogant.
God made this body in his image. He crafted us lovingly with flesh and spirit. It’s worthy to understand and experience your body, just as it is to understand loftier philosophies. Of course, neither should be where we spend ALL of our focus, balance is the key to life.
Finding wholeness means that you meld what your body is experiencing to what your mind is experiencing.
Sensuality as body awareness is not a bad word.
The word “sensual” conjures up notions of seduction. Seduction is, sometimes, associated with ideas of infidelity. I am aware there are plenty of verses in the bible that condemn sensuality when it is used in idol worship and lustful desires outside of marriage. The New American Standard translation seems to really like using the word sensuality as it pertains to wantoness. So, I can see how a wife just starting to reclaim her sex drive may be repulsed by the thought of sensuality and seduction. She doesn’t want to be involved in any kind of sin and I wholeheartedly agree with that. But, the kinds of sins mentioned are outside of marriage. Let me repeat, outside of marriage and worshiping idols.
That is NOT the kind of sensuality I am speaking of here. I am speaking of heightened perception of your senses that only YOU are aware of. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being in tune with your senses and your body when you are not using this practice outside of marriage. Just as, there is nothing wrong with sexual expression within marriage!
God encourages it! Read the book of Song of Solomon. Plus, by paying attention to the wonders of your senses, you are appreciating the finer details of God’s amazing design.
Final Thoughts
If your sensuality has been dormant for a while, use your everyday life to awaken your 5 senses. It’s not that hard to build body awareness. The first step is just thinking about how your body feels every once in a while through the day.
Figure out how to enjoy the skin you’re in! It’s one of the cheapest and best the first steps toward increasing physical interest in sexual intimacy for the low drive wife.
I just discovered your blog.
You are absolutely right about a lot of Christian women being ashamed of their own sensual feelings; sex is often so demonized in churches that they inevitably reject that part of themselves in order to be “spiritual.”
Of course, while us ladies have sexual interest, men have sexual needs and just can’t turn it off like we can. I wonder if this has something to do with so many men leaving church like my son did. He often tells me that “He’s not saved any more.” Other parents of adult sons have had similar outcomes. I wonder if being shamed so much over their sexual needs has anything to do with it?
Welcome to the blog, Tracy! You raise a very good question. I think shame could very well play a part. Christians need to reframe the discussion with teens and acknowledge their sexual feelings while pointing them toward the gospel. God made us with sexual cravings for a reason. They aren’t sinful.
I’ll pray for your son.