I would have rather slammed my pinky finger in the car door than to have talked about sex. The ‘talks’ my husband and I were having about sex, weren’t really ‘talks’ but anger fueled spats. We didn’t know how to have an actual conversation without it being tied to our anger at neither being understood.
Whenever the topic of sex came out of his mouth, it was like he became Vladimir Putin. All I heard was Russian manipulation. I couldn’t understand a word he was saying and I knew I wouldn’t like it even if I could understand.
I prayed to end the cold war, for his desire to diminish and mine to increase. God didn’t answer.
I was tired of fighting my natural inclination. The old battles weren’t being won with the old strategies. I needed a new strategy, a new understanding but had no idea what to pray.
The pain had to stop. So, I simply whispered, ‘Help!’ and hoped.
“For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words,” Romans 8:24-26.
Then, I remembered Solomon.
…..and [in a dream] God said, “Ask what I shall give you.”
And Solomon said, “You have shown great and steadfast love to your servant David my father, because he walked before you in faithfulness, in righteousness, and in uprightness of heart toward you. And you have kept for him this great and steadfast love and have given him a son to sit on his throne this day.
And now, O Lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of David my father, although I am but a little child. I do not know how to go out or come in.
And your servant is in the midst of your people whom you have chosen, a great people, too many to be numbered or counted for multitude.
Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this your great people?” 1 Kings 3:5-9
Solomon wondered if he could fill his father’s shoes. He felt like a child, inadequate to lead. He was intimated by the sheer numbers of God’s chosen people under his reign. He knew objects and power were meaningless. The only place he could find the wisdom to carry out his purpose was from God.
“It pleased the Lord that Solomon had asked this. And God said to him, “Because you have asked this, and have not asked for yourself long life or riches or the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to discern what is right,” I Kings 3:10-11.
God commended Solomon because his desire wasn’t for revenge or wealth or long life. Solomon asked for insight.
God continued saying, “Behold, I now do according to your word. Behold, I give you a wise and discerning mind, so that none like you has been before you and none like you shall arise after you. I give you also what you have not asked, both riches and honor, so that no other king shall compare with you, all your days. And if you will walk in my ways, keeping my statutes and my commandments, as your father David walked, then I will lengthen your days,” 1 Kings 3:12-14.
In the end, Solomon’s prayer led to so much more than he was asking.
Honestly, my earliest prayers for our sexual relationship were not full of self-sacrifice. I prayed to understand for my own benefit, to find relief from the constant friction.
God turned my self-serving motives into marriage serving motives.
He confirmed that it was OK to pray about all aspects of sexuality. Sexual intimacy brings God’s glory to the bedroom.
He showed me the physical makeup of sexual intimacy has many positives for my body and mind, as well as my husband’s.
He showed me how sexual intimacy is tied to my spiritual maturity. Because sexual intimacy was my weakness, he showed me his power (2 Corinthians 12:9).
He helped me to see sexual intimacy was my husband’s most intimate conversation.
He helped me to see how important sexual intimacy was for my marriage and for my husband.
When you pray to understand sexual intimacy, God answers and ups your ante. He gives you a hunger to understand more. (James 1:5, Matthew 7:7, and Ephesians 1:15-23).
In the end, praying for understanding has led to so much more.
The best sex starts on your knees in prayer.
Dear Heavenly Father, help! You created marriage and sexual union. Sometimes, sexual intimacy is hard to understand for spouses who don’t have a high physical drive. Help low-libido spouses understand what sexual intimacy means to their mates. I pray for husbands and wives in marriages with sexual conflict to look toward your words in the Bible. I pray you lead them to practical tools to learn how to show their love in ways each one of them understands. In Jesus’ name I pray.
