In just one small moment, a long season of contentment can be derailed. I derailed our season this weekend.
It was an inadvertent slip. I do nothing on purpose to hurt my husband. As I know he does nothing on purpose to hurt me.
I acted negatively to a sexual advance. Instead of calmly discussing what he had in mind and asking if immediate action was desired or if we could wait a few hours for some ibuprofen to kick in, I grimaced.
In that very second, I knew the damage was done. I crushed his spirit. I immediately apologized. I was very angry at myself. This is what we have worked so hard to remedy and have made great strides. I had become so at peace and content.
The complacency of contentment is probably where I lost my diligence in how I behave toward Mr. Muscle.
Yesterday, this verse popped up in more than one scripture-of-the-day app: “Do Nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,” Philippians 2:3.
God was telling me in my complacency, I lost humility.
Yes, in marriage we want to be relaxed and not constantly police our actions. I want my actions to be so ingrained with humility, love and respect that I don’t have to continually be on guard. However, human flesh and human selfishness can’t be totally overcome.
I need to always cradle Mr. Muscle’s heart. He’s my cowboy. Strong Cowboys still have tender underbellies. Maybe your husband is like this, too. Sexual intimacy is where he is most vulnerable.
Even though Mr. Muscle accepted my apology and forgave me, words and actions can’t be completely erased from memory. I just pray that God can allow him some amnesia regarding that moment.
Thankfully, we can extend the grace and mercy of Christ to each other. “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you,” Colossians 3:13.
Tomorrow is a new day and we will begin again.
If this is your first time visiting OysterBed7, Welcome! Please see why sex is my focus, peruse the archives and don’t forget to follow me via facebook fanpage or twitter (@oysterbed7)
Enter your email address:
Delivered by FeedBurner
Follow my blog with Bloglovin
Great reminder: We need our desires to become our habits
I loved this section:
I need to always cradle Mr. Muscle’s heart. He’s my cowboy. Strong Cowboys still have tender underbellies. Maybe your husband is like this, too. Sexual intimacy is where he is most vulnerable.
I wish we were not so vulnerable there, but we are. When we reach out sexually, it always feels like we are so vulnerable and when we feel we are not accepted, we feel hurt.
I think this reminds us that we can’t get lazy about the important things!
I think it hit me most because I didn’t think I was getting lazy. But, I guess I was!
Thank you for sharing your heart with this. In one instant, a small moment can show us both how far we’ve come and what our next steps should be. Bless you both.
Thank you, Chris.
I think men and women both find sex to be the place of greatest vulnerability. Therefore it’s also the place of the greatest potential for pain and misunderstanding. As you stated it’s hard to guard you words and actions diligently 24/7. That’s why grace is such an essential ingredient in the bedroom, maybe even more than the rest of your marriage. Thanks for sharing so honestly.
Scott, that is so well said. I’m so glad you made that point. Yes, grace is especially important in the bedroom with the sensitive and powerful nature of sex!! I’m so thankful for the perfect model of Jesus’ grace.
Thank you for reminding me of this. It always challenges me to find the balance between knowing my physical limits (running on little sleep with 4 little kids, etc), but not allowing them to have dominion over me. I want to be fully awake and interactive with my husband when he is especially interested in being with me, but that means I need to plan ahead better so I am not exhausted when I climb into bed at night. I must reserve some of my best energies for him instead of leaving him the dregs of myself.
You are in a very challenging season, but you have a leg up on most. Understanding you need to reserve some energy makes you wise indeed. Maybe creative timing would help, too. Morning isn’t always a favorite time, but at least you would be well rested.(?)