Thanks for letting me whine yesterday in saying, ‘Farewell, 2015.’
Hello, 2016!
I’ve seen two truths from coping with my stressful 2015 as a low-libido gal.
First truth: Remain in constant contact with God and your husband. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and reduce your world down to a single digit of 1, yourself.
Second truth: Simplify.
“There are two ways to get enough. One is to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less,” G. K. Chesterton.
I have lived out of a suitcase for over half of the year. The thing that aggravated me most about being away from home was not being able to access my list of passwords (I have a horrible time remembering them) and a few other bits of information that were written down in my office.
I didn’t miss my depression glass collection or antique clothing collection.
I didn’t miss the junk in my curio cabinet.
I didn’t have time to decorate the house for any of the seasons (including Christmas, first time ever I didn’t put up a tree) and I didn’t miss it.
We are moving to an area where real estate is very expensive. Our new house will not be as big as what we have now (2800 sq. ft.). To prepare for this move, I’ve released many of my possessions to charity; fabric & craft items (all the supplies for the ‘someday-I’ll-get-to-it-projects’), knick knacks, clothing galore, 7-year-old curtains I thought I may use again, etc.
I didn’t donate or purge as much as I released. I let it go and don’t desire it back.
Somehow through this year of extremely swinging emotions and far away travel, God has shown me that stuff is just a burden.
I’ll be honest. For much of our life, I’ve wanted more. Bigger house, better car, bigger diamond, designer labels. There’s a possibility those desires may creep back in. But, right now, I see the only thing really important is relationships. Since I didn’t have to maintain stuff on the road, I had more time to pursue the higher things with God and my family and friends.
Time on the road, gave me more space for prayer and bible study because I was disconnected from my other responsibilities. I realized even though I have been stressed because of constant change, I liked not having the burden of care for stuff.
Now, I know I can’t disconnect from every responsibility. But, I can disconnect from the chaos of too much stuff.
Simplification leads to less stress and it frees up space for more time with God. That’s good for you no matter what your sex drive.
“There are two ways to get enough. One is to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less,” G. K. Chesterton.
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Thanks for your blog! I do so enjoy your transparency. i was looking for your email address or “contact me” tab on your site and couldn’t find it. Is it ok to email you? I think I may have been dealing with some of the same issues as you that have led to your biopsy and would love to ask you some questions. Thanks so much! Blessings and prayers for you for a calm and “boring” new year!
Hi Anne! Yes, please email me at pearlmail3@gmail.com.
When God “shakes our foundations” it can be extremely stressful. But the quiet calm that we grow into after the dust settles is real and permanent, joy unspeakable!
Sometimes I do wish there was an easier way!
I’m confident the dust is going to settle in divine ways. He’s got a purpose for this relocation.
Have you read the book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up”? I think you would like it. I lived for 8 weeks in a hotel while our house was being built. I DID miss my stuff. I missed my dishes and I missed most especially having a yard. I missed my comfortable furniture instead of that “HOTEL HARD” stuff. I’m not sure about the seasonal decor. Sometimes it’s really a pain! I completely understand about the “care of stuff.” I throw out more than most people, but still have WAY too much.
Thanks for the book recommendation. What I missed the most about being away were my dogs.
I hope this year is a better year for you! I know a lot of us had years we hope to never relive.
Thank you, Keelie!
“Simplification leads to less stress and it frees up space for more time with God. That’s good for you no matter what your sex drive.”
This is a great quote and I’m glad I read it. I was reading here again and I was about to ask the ladies for suggestions to lower my sex drive. I’m a woman and I desperately want to be normal. I want to be a normal, low-libido wife. I’m tired of having a higher drive than my husband. I want him to be like your husbands. I want him to desire me more than I desire him. I want to love him, but stop craving him. I don’t like having a higher drive. Not. At. All. It makes me feel ugly and broken. I want to be a normal wife. A lovely, feminine woman who “gives in” as opposed to who I am now – or at least who I feel like – which is a woman on overdrive who loves sex with her husband and would like more. It’s just awful.
And then, I read the above quote. I still need to work on lowering my desire for my husband, sure. But more importantly, I need to spend more time with God. Perhaps that is the reason for my issues. More time with God is important, for me and for all of us. Thank you for the reminder!
I think more time with God is the answer to many many things. I’m so glad you stopped by, B! Remember, normal is relative and I don’t think any of us are relative. :).
Thanks Bonnie. I guess I shouldn’t use the word “normal”. I would, however, like to be more typical. More in the majority, or like a more regular woman, if that makes more sense.
I see you have a link to “books to help grow libido.” That gave me the idea to search for books to help lower libido, or squash desire, but alas, I found none.
I thought about looking for blogs about men trying to lower their libido, since this is more of a man’s problem, the being undesired thing. But the Holy Spirirt screamed at me “no! Bad idea! Don’t even look!” So that idea is out.
I do love my husband, and I think he loves me. But he loves his aunts and sister, too. I want a deeper love. I want a romantic love. I want him to desire me. Not just say he does, but actually do it, I want him to understand the pain he is causing me. He acts sad that I don’t feel pretty or worthy, like its some kind of personal failure of his that I’m not attractive enough for him to desire sex more often. Why is he making my flaws his problem? Why can’t he just admit he doesn’t like me? I just want this to stop being an issue.
I did find some herbs to try, and some teas to drink that are supposed to suppress libido, so I’m going to try that. It just seems so sad that so many men want more lovin from their wives, and I found the one man who doesn’t. If sex is supposed to be a beautiful gift in marriage, why is it so hard?
I feel like there’s no one to talk to. Nobody actually cares, nor should they. I should probably start journaling instead of bothering kindhearted bloggers. But all in all, it is obvious that I need to spend more time with God. Maybe He will give me the answers if I listen more to His voice.
Thanks for letting me share.
B, I am sorry you are in so much pain.
Becoming closer to God will lead you to understanding in all areas of your life. I’m praying that God will reveal answers to you about you, your husband, and marriage so that the two of you can develop emotional intimacy which will lead to sexual intimacy.
I wish I had more answers for you. Know this, you are a delight to our creator. You have a purpose in life. Hang onto hope, B. And keep asking, seeking, knocking.
Thanks so much for your transparency in your “Farewell 2015” post, and your positive upbeat view of the new year ahead in this post. I too want to learn to live more simply – and that has to start with my ‘sacrificing’ my time to sort through the too many boxes stored in the basement! I am also reading your book “Unlock Your Libido: 52-Week Sex Drive Transformation” with my husband, and we are praying over it, together. He is so encouraged that I want to live intentionally, and make our relationship a priority instead of something we get to when we have extra time. Thanks for leading the way, and shining a light on the path behind you for the rest of us!
‘Shining the light on the path…’ What a nice statement. I’m so proud of your intentional living and sacrifice! It’s worth it and God gets the glory when you feel accomplished in the bedroom and in the basement. 😉😉