Anne Atwell’s voice is here to encourage my high drive readers, and to allow low-libido wives direct insight. I think it’s very important that the sisterhood of Christian women support each other. We do that by understanding we are all different and yet we are all the same.
Anne Atwell writes this for you. She’s a high sex-drive wife who has agreed to share with other ladies who may quietly struggle with being the higher drive spouse. To read Anne’s other posts, see:
I’m Not Supposed To Love Sex, Right?
When Your Sexuality Seems Out of Control
Manage Lust Keep Marriage Holy
Let’s read what Anne has to say. This particular post is for all women, I think.
Hey beautiful! Yes, you.
We have a lot of messages telling us we aren’t pretty enough don’t we?
~Billboards telling us about nips and tucks
~Comparing ourselves to other women (especially ones who act or model).
~Our husbands lack of interest
~TV commercials about products to help us stay young or become more attractive.
Do you love your body?
Some might say they are not bad looking but most would definitely not call themselves beautiful or say they like their body. To those of you out there that have good self-esteem with your body, I want to extend you an e-hug.
The thing is, you ARE beautiful. The Lord sees you as beautiful. Yes! Jesus made you flawless when He died on the cross and we accepted His gift. But, most of all because the Lord made us to reflect Him. He made us in His image.
Women are strong and courageous, many are brave warriors. Yet unique to us, besides our female bodies, is a soft tender side. Men can also have this but not as intuitively. Men can be good looking but women have a certain type of beauty not found in men.
We reflect more strongly a different, less acknowledged side of the Lord. The Lord is reflected in creation, those breath taking sunsets and gorgeous flowers. He’s there gently guiding us and calling for us to pursue him. He is vulnerable as He opens his arms to His people who can hurt Him. We reflect the vulnerable side, the side that wants to be pursued. We open ourselves up to our husbands who can hurt us.
And the Lord thinks you are beautiful. Your body, personality, and the place you’re at in life. After reading a part about our identity in Christ in Wild at Heart where a man asked the Lord what He thought of him and received an answer, I prayed the same thing-a bit nervous to hear the answer. The answer came before I could finish my question.
“Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.”
It was healing, letting the Lord tell me how He saw me. I want to encourage you to ask Him what He thinks of you. He wants to tell you.
Your husband might make you feel unattractive, abnormal, heartbroken, or dirty for the libido you have but you are none of those. Mourn what you don’t have, listen to what the Lord thinks of you (and remind yourself of it when you’re down), grow in your true identity, and pray for things to get better in your marriage. I can’t say your relationship with the Lord will make how things are in the bedroom (if they are bad or just meh) with your husband suddenly all sunny but it’s a source of strength.
This is the last post from me for a while. I could only speak from my own experience so I know my words probably didn’t speak to all high drive women. I hope, if anything, I helped you see that you are normal, beautiful, and how powerful prayer and self-reflection are.
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Mrs. Atwell is a high drive wife living all over with her military husband and two little explorers. Her favorite hobby is reading. If you would like to connect with Anne, she can be reached at Anne5@mail.com.
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“Men can be good looking but women have a certain type of beauty not found in men.”
If (as a man) I may say so(?), this is very true. God blessed women with an enviable, artistic form that has a beautiful unity, fit, and flow that men do not have.
Could write a book about that (esp. as a former art student); but just wish women truly knew the extent in which their design is beautifully made.
Bonny, I appreciate how you have highlighted some of this beauty in a number of your posts.
Thank you, my friend.
When my hubby was refusing me and criticizing my body, of course I was crushed. One night God stopped me in front of the bathroom mirror and helped me see myself as beautiful. I decided that I am indeed beautiful and worthy of love. I am sexy. It is up to me to give of myself to my husband, and up to him to choose to either accept it or not.
Well, thank God he chose to accept it. It was a bit of a battle, but becoming my own woman, confident in who and how God made me has been very good for our marriage.
Hmmmm… I don’t know. I am the higher drive wife, and I struggle with the idea that if I were more beautiful, it wouldn’t be that way. Perhaps that’s not the issue, but it sure is hard not to think so, especially when there is so much info out there telling us all men have the higher drive, and higher drive women are few and far between.
I’ve read so many times that “the Lord thinks you are beautiful” – and maybe He does – but it can be so hard to accept.
As for the comment from Anonymous above “just wish women truly knew the extent in which their design is beautifully made” – when I read comments like that, I can’t help but think – well, he’s thinking of all the other women, the beautiful women – not women like me. My measurements are all wrong, too tall, too small of a rear end, etc. He’s thinking of real women, beautiful, shapely women, not me. Never me.
But thanks for addressing this, and thanks for the high drive wife posts. It’s a refreshing change!!
I’m sorry you didn’t include yourself in that statement 🙁 🙁 because I meant to include *all* women as being beautifully made–the intricate differences from men (physical and emotional) in which God blessed you are both admirable and enviable.
If I may say so, feminine beauty isn’t defined by a certain set of measurements. It still captivates and fascinates even with a great deal of variety.
What if others find you attractive, your husband visibly finds other women attractive in your presence (stops walking, sucks in his breath, stares), and all you wish is your husband found you attractive?
It is heartbreaking.