I’m sorry I’ve been MIA. If you follow me on twitter or facebook, you may have seen some posts regarding our relocation to FL. Yep, we are moving further south. Good thing my blood is already pretty thin and tolerates heat well. Our moving preparations had a pleasant interruption. We went on vacation.
I will be back soon writing about my favorite topic, how to nurture a lagging libido into a lavish libido.
Until then, you won’t be sorry to spend 17 minutes listening to Michele Weiner-Davis, author of, “The Sex-Starved Marriage.” She’s captured the essence of a marriage struggling with sexual conflict. By the end of her thoughts, you’ll know three ways to create relational aphrodisia.
Honestly, I haven’t heard a better discussion of this subject anywhere. If you have, please let me know in the comments.
Thanks for sharing this video, Bonny. Her thoughts on Basson’s research was interesting. I’ve always heard that women are the one’s with the more receptive desire or the need for arousal before desire hits. But, even in that there are definitely women who don’t need the arousal first. I didn’t realize that her research actually just said there were people in general (not just women) who felt this way. That definitely normalizes the low desire than both women and men can feel in marriage.
It does normalize low desire in both male and female. Which leads me to question the statistic that 25% of marriages have women as the higher drive spouse. I wonder if it’s closer to 50%?
Yeah, I agree. Of course, the only way to get statistics is for people to honestly answer survey questions. But, I think there is still a lot of shame for women that have the higher level of desire because of how society labels them. Even in churches and many popular texts there is “help” for the man whose wife is not desiring sex as often. I think that general view among so many makes it extremely difficult for women to admit (or realize that it can be normal) when they are the ones with the higher desire.
Yes, I am a higher drive wife and it is extremely embarrassing and impossible to believe that it is “normal”. I probably shouldn’t read on a low libido wife website, but since there is no such thing as a higher drive website, well… What’s a girl to do?
I also find myself believing that low libido wives probably believe, rightfully so, they are much better than me. I mean, if their husbands have a strong healthy sexual desire for them, and my husband has low desire for me, that must make the other wives much better. They must be far more beautiful, agreeable, and worthy of love. And knowing that makes me feel very lousy about what must be my unworthy, repulsive self.
I also get frustrated when I read about low libido wives who refuse to realize what a blessing it is to be sexually pursued by the man you love. Trust me, being undesired, with a husband who gives in to pity sex when you ask, is far, far, far, far worse. I wish I could get those of you that are loved and desired by your husbands to count your blessings!
I can understand your frustration toward wives who do not appreciate the blessing of their husbands’ inner workings. I would hope that all low drive wives take this scripture to heart, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,” Philippians 2:3.
Personally, I never even entertained the thought that higher drive wives are less of anything. That’s just how God made you. Sexual desire differences in marriage are very hurtful, no matter which spouse is high-drive or low-drive. But, it doesn’t make you less or more whichever one you are.
We need to look at each other through God’s eyes. God doesn’t see as a man sees. God sees the heart. God sees the hurting and the pain. I hear your pain, sweet sister. Because of that, I’ve written this for you and all the other high drive wives who may be at OysterBed7 as a last resort, http://www.oysterbed7.com/i-love-my-high-sex-drive-sisters/.