I received an email question about orgasm.

“I’ve never been able to have an orgasm naturally, we always have to use some kind of toys and that really bothers me. Do you have any thoughts or suggestions for me?”

She’s not the first to ask this.  I highly respect that she is exploring how to be intimate in a different way.  I am also glad that she has the ability to orgasm, because many of the emails I receive on the topic of orgasm are from ladies who have not yet experienced one.

Although she didn’t state specifically which toy is used, I’m going to assume she means a vibrator.

To cut the switch on toy-to-orgasm dependence, slowly eliminate the toy from your encounters.  The theory is your body has been trained to respond to the toy.  To eliminate toys, ‘untrain’ your body.

While trying to ‘untrain’ from toy stimulated orgasms, concentrate on the divine bits that are within the female anatomy as well as manual stimulation of the clitoris (your hands or his).  Many wives and husbands aren’t aware of the universe of unseen interior pleasure tissue that reside in the female genitals.

To become well acquainted with your divine treasure, please read:   The Exquisite Clitoris, Delightful “O” Zones, and A Key to Understanding Deep Spots.

Once armed with knowledge about the erectile tissue and large amounts of unseen clitoral tissue, ramp up foreplay.  Longer sessions of foreplay gives the body time to signal increased blood flow.  Your genital tissue swells with this increased blood flow into delicious sensitive areas.

Over a matter of several lovemaking sessions, taper off the use of your toys and switch to manual clitoral stimulation during penetration.  Once toys are completely eliminated, you start to focus on the orgasm through penetration and reduce the manual stimulation.

Slowly eliminate the manual stimulation and have him concentrate on your interior pleasure spots with his penis.  He will want to read the above articles, too.  It’s best if he also has full understanding of your female anatomy.

Like I said, I highly respect this question.  It comes from a wife who wants to discover other ways to be intimate with her husband.  I understand that the use of the toy bothers her.  Maybe she is feeling too dependent on it and wishes to take the focus away from the toy and back to the intimate touch of her spouse.

My final thought is not directed at my questioner, but others who may wonder.

Is the only natural way to orgasm through penetration alone?

There’s a rumor floating around that the only valid and authentic orgasm is from vaginal penetration by the penis.  I don’t quite agree.  I say there are no imitation orgasms within the marriage bed, especially if the two of you are respecting each other’s sexual boundaries.

Understanding Orgasm, American Psychological Association (Apr 2011), “points out that only about 8 percent of women reliably have otherwise unassisted orgasms during penile-vaginal intercourse, while nearly all men do. In addition, these women seem to be benefiting from an accident of physiology — they happen to have clitorises that are close to their vaginal opening, according to new research by (Elisabeth) Lloyd and Emory University psychology professor Kim Wallen, PhD, in press in Hormones and Behavior.”

According to this article, only about 8% of us are able to achieve orgasm from penetration alone.

This small percentage is not to dissuade you in any way from pursuit of the penetrative orgasm.

However, if you are a woman who has tried and tried to orgasm through penetration alone and it hasn’t happened, that does not mean you experiencing false intimacy with your husband.  It means we didn’t hit the lottery on the clitoral-vaginal distance.