The faults of our lover are invisible during the sweet juicy tingle of first love. It’s not just denial. First love is completely oblivious to failings. It’s a neurochemical thing.
Give marriage a few years and faults blink like an annoying internet ad.
Most of us know the quickest way to lose a friend is to start listing all their faults and suggesting how they can change. But with our spouse, sometimes we feel it’s our right and privilege to harp on their faults trying to mold them into what we think they should be.
Yes, I’m aware of the verse, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend,” Proverbs 27:17. But, I think we need to focus on lifting our spouse up before we start to scrub away their tarnish.
Blind love (first love) isn’t aware that faults exist. However, what truer love is there than the closed eyes of friendship? This is where you value your spouse while still knowing all their faults; to love their hearts because you see their potential and their struggle to be better.
Do closed eyes mean we don’t address negatives? No. It just means that we allow more grace than not.
How we can become a friend with closed eyes?
Ignore Faults Temporarily
For a day or two, I challenge you to ignore your spouse’s little annoyances that ticks you off. These are the little things, like forgetting to put clothes in the hamper, not things that are blatant sin (for example, angry outbursts).
Build them up with praise and loving words
While doing this, with words, out loud, tell your spouse what you love about them in their personality, in their inner being, on their exterior. Say something positive about them in front of your kids, your neighbors, or people at church.
Listen without judging their experience
Aside from from this, be a friend who listens without judging or trying to help them see things your way. Just listen and try to see things through their heart.
Here’s the miracle of giving this grace (the grace of God always has miracles)
The closed-eyes of friendship (ignoring faults, building with praise, and not judging their experience) will build a foundation where iron sharpening can happen naturally and involve less hard feelings.
This reminds me of an old anecdote.
A man wanted to get revenge on his wife before he divorced her. He sought counsel from his lawyer. The lawyer suggested he treat his wife very well for the next 30 days. Then, after 30 days, she’ll never see the divorce coming.
More than 30 days had passed when the lawyer finally saw the man again. “So, shall we draw up that divorce decree and finally stick it to her?”
The man replied, “Why would I want to do that? You wouldn’t believe what an angel I’m married to now.”
The wife ended up reflecting back to the husband how he was treating her.
