OysterBed7 once again welcomes, Hannah, from Becoming His Eve! Hannah’s home state is Colorado which is experiencing much devastation from flooding right now. She shares some thoughts about that and how it puts things in perspective.
Hannah’s writing talent and her spiritual gift of encouragement blends perfectly! Her heart for marriage is evident. Please read on as she helps us Awaken the Super in Our Men…
Let Him Know He’s Special
“Clark…none of us are going to be around forever… live your life to its fullest. Make sure you spend as much time as you possibly can with the people you love.”
Jonathan Kent to Clark Kent in Smallville, Season 5, Episode 8
Most husbands aren’t secretly hiding that they are aliens from a faraway planet. Most husbands aren’t secretly harnessing abilities like super strength, super speed, and heat vision. But that doesn’t mean that your husband isn’t special or that what he does isn’t important.
Inside the heart of every man is the desire for purpose – a purpose greater than himself.
Your husband has 5 very important needs:
His need to be special
His need for beauty
I was planning to write about affirming your man’s gifts this week, but God has placed a different, more important message on my heart to share with you today.
I live in Colorado, and my state has been devastated by the flash flooding, mud, and rock slides. We’ve been pounded by rain “of Biblical proportions” as the news has liked to say, though I’m sure it was a lot worse when God flooded the earth with Noah.
On Sunday, my husband and I made it to our church and my pastor shared briefly about Noah and the beauty of the rainbow. What a sight that must have been to see that rainbow after the Great Flood! What beauty, joy, and hope in the promises God made to Noah and the world that day!
It got me thinking also about the promises and vows my husband and I’ve made to each other .
God sure knew what He was saying when He said, “It is not good for man to be alone” [Gen 2:18]. Man needed a helper and a partner – his ezer kenegdo. Hebrew scholar Robert Alter translates this term as ‘sustainer beside him.’ Eve was created because she was desperately needed.
God didn’t abandon Eve in the Garden after she sinned. He still allowed her to be with her husband, to have a life with him, and to have children.
As a wife, you have been placed in a unique and crucial position to be your husband’s ezer kenegdo, to let him know he is special.
Celebrate Your Husband’s Presence
Right before my husband and I started dating, I confessed to my sisters if I was going to be with a guy he would have to be just as weird as I am if not weirder. When Adam and I were married, I said, “Hello weirder.” Now I say that all jokingly, but the truth is, while he does have his strange moments, Adam is a unique individual and a beautiful blessing from God. He came into my life at the moment I really needed him and stayed, choosing me to be his bride. He’s not alone anymore, but then again, neither am I. I chose to celebrate that every day! Don’t Take Him for Granted
Before all the flooding, it was easy to take things like roads and utilities for granted. It was easy to take something as simple as a hot shower or washing your hands for granted. But once that something isn’t there, doesn’t life get more complicated? Suddenly I’ve realized just how important that something is.
How often do you remember to thank your spouse? Last week, I was telling my husband how much I appreciate how often he drives me places and I had never really thanked him before. His smile was priceless. If my husband hadn’t blessed me by driving me to the store, church, work, appointments, etc, if he hadn’t seen that we have a working car, and if he didn’t make sure our car stayed running, I wouldn’t have gone many places over our marriage.
Make a list of all the reasons you are thankful for your husband. Maybe you can only think of a few things right now. Ask God to open your eyes and your heart to reasons to be grateful for your man.
Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 5:16, 18, “Rejoice always… give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
Perhaps you’ve been distracted by the burdens of everyday life or not-so -everyday burdens like the tragedy of the terrible flooding in Colorado. My husband and I, and our family in Colorado are safe. God protected our home from any damage. But it’s still devastating to watch the news and to see entire homes, buildings, and roads destroyed.
If there’s one thing this disaster has taught me, it’s this: don’t forget just how special and precious your spouse is!
Stop right now. Lift a prayer of praise to God, thanking Him for putting your husband in your life. Go on! Do it! Right now! The article will be waiting for you when you get back.
If you can, then, go find your husband and give him a hug and a kiss and thank him for being in your life and for choosing to be with you. If you can’t do that, send him a text or an email like this: You are special to me and I thank God every day I get to be with you.
Your husband’s presence in your life is a reason to rejoice. Your husband’s presence is a reason to celebrate him as a man – your man.
Share Life with Him
Like Jonathan Kent told Clark, life doesn’t last forever. The deadly flooding in Colorado has left at least 7 people dead as of Monday. My heart and prayers go out to the families and loved ones of these individuals who have lost their lives.
After the wake of destruction and death, we see just how finite life is. It is natural to mourn the loss and the devastation. But the Bible promises us, “…weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” [Psalm 30:5].
Remember what priceless gifts you have been given, and celebrate the lives of those who are still here with you!
Jesus tells us in John 10:10 that “the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy…” But Jesus’ life doesn’t end in His death. His words don’t end with the thief. “I have come,” He says, “So that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
Enjoy life with your husband now. Spend time together daily. Plan a date with each other – it doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. It can be as simple as making a meal together, taking a drive together, or taking a walk around the neighborhood. Let him know how much he is appreciated and loved, and just how important he is to you.
You Can Empower Him!
Jesus came so we could have abundant life, so that we could know love to its fullest – love defined by God and manifested in Christ. What a gift He has given us! Every day I get a glimpse of that earthshattering, amazing, unbelievable love through the gift of my husband.
You can empower your husband by recognizing his worth and purpose in Christ. You can empower your husband by not taking him for granted and by letting him know he is special! You can empower your husband by loving him like Jesus!
“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of Godand knows God… This is how God showed his love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.” 1 John 4:7, 9-11
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Please jump over to Becoming His Eve and check out more ideas from Hannah.
About Hannah….
My name is Hannah Williams (a.k.a. Adam’s Eve) and I write a blog called Becoming His Eve. I am a spunky housewife married to a wonderful man of God and an amazing, loving sexy husband who gives big bear hugs and wonderful words of encouragement. And in ase you’re wondering, my husband’s name really is Adam. ;o) I have a passion for young women, writing, books, baking, nature, and music! I want to use my gifts, talents, and abilities to help transform relationships and communities for the Kingdom of Christ.
Nice post! Those things would help any man feel stronger and closer to his wife.
Praying for you all in Colorado!!
Thank you rockhisworld! Disaster definitely puts things in perspective and makes us value the things and people we love the most even more!
How can we wives be careful to not make our husbands idols are start to worship him. And do they have roles to make wives feel special and celebrate our presence. My husband wants to know if it is just for the wife to do.
Those are great questions, Anonymous! I’ll tackle the latter first.
Should husbands make their wives feel special & celebrate their person?
Absolutely! This post doesn’t just apply to wives. It also applies to husbands. The second greatest commandment is to love others as yourself.
The Bible clearly distinguishes what this love should look like for husbands in Ephesians 5:1, 25-31. I won’t quote the entire passage, but I will highlight some major points:
A husband is to…
1) Follow God’s example and walk in the way of love (see more below)
2) Love his wife sacrificially (as Christ loved the Church)
3) Give up his selfish ways for his wife
4) Work to make her holy (For more on this, I found a great article expanding on how exactly a husband makes his wife holy – http://gospeldrivenchurch.blogspot.com/2011/12/5-ways-husbands-can-sanctify-their.html%5D
5) Care for her as he does his own body (I take this to mean he works hard to provide for and protect her like he would for himself as this goes back to one of man’s major roles as defined in the Garden of Eden)
6) Cherish her body as his own (I take this to mean he protects her physically and sexually and works to meet her sexual needs)
7) Leave his father and mother (This basically means that while he can continue to have a relationship with his parents, his relationship with his wife takes top priority. She has his ear – he listens to her and asks for her input without (or at the very least before) consulting his parents. I believe it also means she takes care of his home in her manner – he doesn’t expect her to do things exactly the way his mom does. [This can be challenging for a man, especially when he’s first married, so be patient and be willing to work with him.]
8) Become one flesh with his wife (to make sexual intimacy, not just the act of sex, a priority)
Colossians 3:19 says that husbands are to love their wives and not to be harsh with them.
1 Peter 3:7 says to live with your wife in an understanding way & to show her honor as the weaker vessel so that his prayers won’t be hindered. [Jolene Engle over at the Alabaster Jar has a great article on why the Bible calls wives the weaker vessel and explains this in detail – http://joleneengle.com/why-the-bible-calls-me-the-weaker-vessel-a-link-up/ ]
1 Corinthians 7 talks about not depriving one another of sex, except when you both mutually agree to abstain and mutually agree on a time to come back and try again.
1 Corinthians 13 explains in detail what love is and isn’t.
Now for your first question…
How can wives be careful not to make our husbands into idols?
1) Start with an authentic relationship with Jesus Christ. He has to be your All in All first. Your spouse is secondary. You must cherish God above all else. [Matthew 6:33; Matthew 22:37
2) Ask God to reveal to you if you’ve made your spouse into an idol.
Some signs of this include:
*spending little to no time with God and spending all your time with your spouse,
*believing and living like you could never be happy or fulfilled without your spouse,
*believing and living like your life would be over if your spouse was no longer in your life (i.e. death, divorce)
*worrying constantly about your spouse’s safety (I struggled with this one for a long time)
*putting your trust completely in your spouse instead of God
*relying solely on your spouse for your source of contentment and always wanting more because you can never be satisfied
3)Allow Christ to be Christ. Don’t expect your husband to save you. Yes, we should confess our sins to our spouse and keep each other accountable, but your spouse can never take the place of Christ or be salvation to you. [Psalm 146:3; John 14:6]
4) Keep healthy boundaries. Recognize that your spouse is responsible for his thoughts/feelings/actions and you are responsible for yours. Don’t hold your spouse accountable for your faults/thoughts/feelings. (i.e. Don’t expect to always ‘feel’ loved by your spouse & then use their unloving actions as an excuse to be unloving in return.)[Galatians 6:4-5; Romans 12:9-21; 1 Peter 3:9]
5) Keep healthy expectations. Don’t expect perfection. If you do, your spouse will ultimately always fail. Remember you married a sinner and grant grace to your spouse that you would want granted to you. Forgive readily. [Romans 3:23; Matthew 6:14-15; Ephesians 4:31-31; Colossians 3:12-15]
6) Recognize true happiness, contentment, and joy is found only in Christ, not an earthly relationship or any other thing. [Psalm 16:8-9; Psalm 33:21; 1 Timothy 6:6-8]
I hope I was able to answer your questions to your satisfaction and understanding. Please let me know if you have any followup questions or thoughts.
We have this discussion in our weekly group all the time. Each team came up with these .What we were thinking also that would cause a wife to make a husband be an idol are:
1) where the wife is told to dress sexy and revealing for husband, at bedtime and around the house, but he is not told to do the same.
2)Where the wife sits beside him and grins and goo goos and follows his every word and move, looking at him as if she is in a trance,but he sits and looks straight ahead, not looking into her eyes as she does to him.
3) where the wife frets/worries about whether the husband will like each meals (3 times a day) and scurries to make his favorite all the time, but does not make what she likes ( she does all the cooking and he never does)
4)Allowing him to dictate who (his mom and DAD) will be in the delivery room where you are the patient with your vagina is exposed and you will breastfeed right after birth, because you are looking out for what he wants at that time.
5) Won’t change her hairstyle, she’s afraid to do another, because he wants the one she currently wears, she doesn’t like it and she is ready for a new style after several years. He gets his haircut according to what he wants and his style.
There are more, but too much typing on one site, is not good. 🙂
Tolbey
I like the points you came up with. When a wife worries too much about what her husband thinks and likes, she may be making him into an idol without even realizing it. When his words and opinions are worth more than God’s, there is a serious problem.
I actually decided to expand upon my thoughts over on my blog. http://becominghiseve.wordpress.com/2013/09/20/6-ways-guard-against-making-your-spouse-an-idol-2/