My husband, Dave (a.k.a. Mr. Muscle), is a guy’s guy. He loves to fish, hunt, and order alligator off the menu. He’s proficient at anything that involves projectiles traveling at enormous speeds, skeet shooting and Call of Duty respectively. He loves grinding down his teeth on spicy Cajun beef jerky.
He can install home surround sound in one afternoon. He taught me the physics of toilets so that I could fix an overflow in his absence. He’s saved us a bundle by maintaining our cars through the years. He aced pharmacokinetics in Pharmacy school.
I have much to admire about him.
What I love the most about him is his COURAGE.
It’s the typical courage, strength in the face of physical danger. However, it’s also strength in the face of public scorn, strength to ignore what others think. It’s the courage to just be himself and live out his convictions.
His courage allows his emotions to overwhelm him during public and private prayers.
His courage gives him compassion to help a stranger fix their flat tire on the side of the road.
His courage inspires him to spout the corniest of puns.
His courage urges him to chaperone the 8th grade field trip.
His courage compels him to listen to KLOVE radio in a car full of unbelieving teenagers.
His courage, as a slight introvert, is the only thing that could help him face the fear of playing Elvis (in a flimsy costume, mind you) at the church’s Christmas party.
His courage and faith in God’s purpose allows him to listen as our son ponders if Christianity is something he really believes in.
His courage spurs his helpfulness to jump up to clear dishes at any social function.
His courage ignores “the man club” and “marriage bashers” in order to publicly uplift me and our marriage with words.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage,” Lao Tzu.
His act of courage that stands above the rest is when he said, “I can change.”
Our marriage started to crumble at about year 15. My man’s man could have said, as many men before him have said, “That’s just the way I am! I can never change!”
But, he didn’t. Instead, he said, “I am committed to this marriage. You’re miserable. I’m miserable. Let’s figure out how to fix this.”
His act of extreme courage involved reading books, praying with me, attending classes, and engaging in heartfelt discussion. His act of extreme courage was opening his heart to reveal nooks and crannies I hadn’t seen before. His act of extreme courage was removing his heart’s armor and trusting I wouldn’t hurt him.
“The LORD is my light and my salvation– whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life– of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1.
And lastly, His courage in finding patience with me as we both learned the multi-ignition system of my low-libido. My part of our crumbling marriage involved resurrecting my sexual interest. When our marriage was at its worst, I stubbornly refused to see how important sexual intimacy was to him. I denied it.
God eventually took the scales from my eyes. I began to see sexual intimacy in a new light. As we engaged more, our entire relationship blossomed into what I had always yearned for, connection. That is why the focus of my blog is to encourage the low-libido wife. I want to help your marriage blossom with what you have always yearned for, too.
Please see Julie Siebert’s post at Intimacyinmarriage, “6 Reasons I Love My Husband.”
It is certainly hard to open yourself in any situation. Especially in matters of the heart. It is a blessing to know that Christ secured your bond!
Christ gets all the glory for the transformation our marriage underwent! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! It certainly encourages me.
This is such an awesome story of redemption, Pearl. And yes, you do have a very courageous man. Thanks for sharing this and encouraging others to do the same. I look forward to seeing your list grow and hope you’ll link up again with us next week. Truly enjoyed your post!
I am grateful for the opportunity to be an encouragement to anyone who may be ‘in the trenches.’ If we can come through the maelstrom or marriage, anyone can! Nothing is impossible with Christ. Thank you for taking the time to comment, Fawn.
I absolutely love this! It does take courage to be a godly man and a committed husband, but good gracious, that is SO APPEALING to wives. Isn’t it? We love our men when they step up and step out.
Glad you linked up! Great post.
Hello my dear friend! If more husbands realized how sexy stepping out and stepping up are, I would be out of the low-libido blog writing business… 😉
Pearl, Love what you are doing here and your goal…but think about what you just said and realize that there are men out there that have stepped up and out for years and years and it doesn’t change their wives low libido. A man whose up against it, who’s giving it all he has…doesn’t need blamed for his wives low libido.
Thanks for your insight. I’m sorry it came across to you in this way. What I should have made more clear is that we were working on our ‘issues’ at the same time. When I used the term ‘lastly’ it was because it was the last point in my list. I didn’t wait until he opened his heart to step up to the plate, nor should any lady with low libido.
Pearl,
I wasn’t responding to your blog/article but to your response to J. Re-read your comment back to her…..My wife has finally gotten it after thirteen years so I’m not speaking to me anymore but I was that guy a couple years ago no matter how much I stepped up (boy could I tell you stories….) it didn’t matter. You said that husbands were to step up that would solve the low libidio problem, maybe for some but for some that is patently false and very hurtful to someone who is already stepping up and living through the hurt no matter their effort, courage, and love that is poured out.
Dear Sir, kindly accept my apology. I should not have been flippant in my reply. I really do try to be sensitive to the multitude of situations regarding this very vulnerable aspect of marriage. But, I sometimes fail. What I should have said is when husbands AND WIVES step up….because I do believe there are some husbands who need to step up, but there are just as many WIVES who need to step up, too.
Pearl,
I agree wholeheartedly…thanks for everything. I know it was said jokingly (flippantly)…sometimes with folks that are hurting that is the last thing they need though as they already feel like the butt of a cruel joke. Your doing a great thing…thanks
I appreciate you calling me to the mat. Hurting ANYONE is the last thing I want to do. I hope to see you around more!