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“You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon,” Solomon says as he admires his bride (SOS 4:15).

The best lovemaking has just enough blissful friction to allow sexual tension to build until orgasm.  This friction is softened with aloe-like lubrication that a wife’s body usually produces.  This moisture allows penetration to glide, creates wonderful traction, and protects her delicate tissues.  That’s why God made a wife’s “fountain flow.”

Unfortunately, some fountains having plumbing problems.  Sexual interest can dry up.  Then, your peach feels like the pit.

A dry “depth” makes intercourse painful.  If relief is not found, a woman can have tremendous anxiety toward future lovemaking sessions.  Anticipating painful sex kills sexual desire.

Let’s talk about adding flow to a dry fountain.

What creates this luscious glide of natural moisture?

Estrogen, mostly.

It is the crucial component for vaginal lubrication.  Read more about that here.

Aside from other things, these five events cause estrogen levels to fluctuate producing dryness.

1. Pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding

2.  Stress and diet

3. Medical conditions such as Sjogren’s Disease and PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome)

4. Certain medications also have a drying side-effect (anti-histamines/daily allergy medicine and cancer treatments, for example).  If you have signs of dryness, investigate your prescription medications.  They may be the culprit.  You can ask your doctor if there are any other medications you can use that don’t cause dryness.

5. Declining estrogen levels due to age.  Around half menopausal & post-menopausal women will experience dryness, at some point.

Before we go on with the basics of lubricant, I want to address two false beliefs.

#1 – Adding lubricant is “cheating.”  There are notions that adding lubricant cheapens the experience, makes it less natural.  That is horse hockey!  There is nothing “less than” about adding lubricant to your lovemaking.  Remember what I said about pain being a killer of sexual interest?  Don’t feel the least bit guilty if you need or want to add lubricant to your lovemaking.

#2 – Needing lubricant means you are uninterested in your husband!  There are notions that if you are really “into” your man, your fountain will automatically flow freely.  Again, horse hockey!  It’s not necessarily about whether you are feelin’ randy or not.  Estrogen fluctuations dictate moisture.  Don’t feel the least bit guilty if you need or want to add lubricant to your lovemaking!

The good news is, you can remedy an arid erogenous zone quicker than cow slobber!

There are a vast number of lubricants available for purchase in brick & mortar locations or online.  Here is some basic information.

Lubricants are categorized by their components, water, silicone, or oil.

Water-based

Pros – safe with all condoms and toys, usually doesn’t stain sheets, washes off easily.

Cons – not as long lasting, may not protect sensitive skin from irritation, not for shower sex

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Suggested water-based lubricant

Slippery Stuff

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Suggested water-based lubricant

Just Like Me

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Silicone-based

Pros – Long lasting, hypoallergenic (ok for the most sensitive skin), works for shower sex, safe for condoms.

Cons – can break down the silicone in toys which promotes bacterial growth in the places that have degraded (cracks, abrasions), may stain sheets.

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Suggested silicone-based lubricant

Astroglide

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Suggested silicone-based lubricant

Pure Pleasure

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Combination/Hybrid 

(This product is more recently developed and is water based with added silicone.)

Pros – long lasting like silicone based, may be toy and condom compatible (see below)

Cons – Each brand may have a different amount of silicone.  Check the content and information on package to make sure it is toy compatible

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Suggested hybrid lubricant

Sliquids Organic Silk

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Oil-based

Pro – very long lasting

Con – degrades condoms, can promote bacterial growth, and stain sheets.

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Suggested lubricant (95% aloe vera, added vitamin e oil)

Aloe Cadabra

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And last, Saliva

Pro – readily available, free

Con – not long lasting, can transmit sexual infections, promote yeast infections/bacterial infections

Very popular – Coconut oil

In an informal survey conducted through my closed Facebook group, coconut oil is reported as the most popular lubricant.  Honestly, it is also the lubricant Dave and I use most.

Coconut oil is medium textured, not too thin, not too thick.  Its silky properties are very long lasting.  It never gets sticky.  Plus, it is relatively inexpensive and available at nearly all grocery stores.

You may be wondering what it smells like.  In our personal experience, the smell of coconut oil has varied from a light fragrance of coconut (unrefined or virgin), to smelling like popcorn (I kid you not), to having no smell at all (refined coconut oil).  The unrefined/virgin coconut oil may lightly taste of coconut, too.

Although there is caution with synthetic oil-based lubricants due to the possibility of infection, as mentioned above, coconut oil may actually have anti-fungal (see this study) and anti-bacterial (see this study) properties.  Even with these positive attributes, it is very important to shower well afterwards to remove the old oil.

See: Understanding Coconut Oil:  Refined versus Unrefined

See: 10 Evidenced-Based Health Benefits of Coconut Oil

Special additive to stimulate arousal – Carrageenan

Carrageenan is a relatively new additive in personal lubricants and is touted as a female sexual stimulant when directly applied to clitoris.  It is made from red seaweed.  It has been used as a food additive for its gelling and smoothing properties since the 1950’s.

In addition to silky texture, it has the ability to cause  blood accumulation in an area which, in theory, should potentially make the clitoris more sensitive.  Having used this particular product before, I can tell you it has a just-right warming effect.  It’s not the scary, ‘Oh Man, I’m doing damage’ icy/hot intense feel of some of the heat lubricants we’ve tried.  The warming is medium intensity.

There is some debate as to the safety of Carrageenan.  But, it has been found to be effective as an anti-viral against HPV.

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Suggested lubricant with carrageenan

Jo Organic Original

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When extra help is needed – Vitamin E vaginal suppositories

When you need a little more help than external lubrication can provide, vaginal suppositories are the next step.  Your body temperature will melt them.  But, you have to give you body temperature time to work.  Therefore, insert them about 30 minutes prior to a rendezvous.

Suppositories can be found in health food stores and compounding pharmacies without a prescription.  Oral vitamin E capsules are not recommended to be used in the vagina.  The oral capsules have a far greater amount of vitamin E in them (400 i.u.’s versus 30 i.u.’s in the suppositories).  There is a chance of toxicity if more than 400 i.u.’s of Vitamin E is taken daily over long term.   There is documented research that Vitamin E is beneficial for lubrication.

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Suggested vitamin E vaginal suppositories

Vitamin E vaginal suppositories

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DHEA

When you need to level-up your lube game to expert, DHEA suppositories are a great consideration.  Read more about the science and why DHEA might work for you here:  DHEA for vaginal dryness.

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Suggested DHEA vaginal suppositories (with beeswax)

DHEA vaginal suppositories

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Final Thoughts

Be cautious of these ingredients in any lubricant as they may cause irritation and inflammation, Petroleum, Glycerin, Nonoxyl-9 (spermicide), Propylene gycol, and Chlorihexidine gluconate.

When trying a new lubricant, do a test spot on your genitals first.  Make sure you have no reactions before full and complete use.

Also, increase your natural moisture production by increasing your water intake, reduce caffeine, eat less junk food, and get plenty of exercise!

Add lube just for fun!  You don’t have to suffer from dryness to add lubricant.  Sometimes, cutting the amount of friction to near zero is a turn on.  It can make things last a little longer because there isn’t as much rubbing.  (Rubbing against erectile tissue, both his and hers, is what creates the sexual tension the builds to orgasm).  Slip and slides are fun!

All the lubricant suggestions are from the ladies in my closed Facebook group.  Want to join us?

OysterBed7 Wives Closed FB Group

Want to learn more about your elusive sex drive?  Join me and the podcast team for our first webinar, “Understanding Your Sex Drive.”  Click the box below for more info.

Photocredit:  AnnaER @ pixabay