At the most recent June wedding we attended, I was brought to tears by a tenor when he hit the high note in Mollette’s arrangement of “The Lord’s Prayer.” My goosebumps continued when the bells of the cathedral chimed for the newly minted “Mr. & Mrs.”
We retired to a reception at the local country club. Little white lights twinkled and the menus were written on chalk boards.
The shrimp and crab cakes dissolved into blissful mouthfuls. An acclaimed regional band played beach music.
May the newlyweds find their path ahead filled with delectable scallops all the days of their life. Symbolically, of course. I love them and their respective sets of parents dearly. We were truly delighted to be partaking in the family’s blessing.
Many couples only aspire to this kind of magnificence to christen their union.
And so, I’m taking this opportunity to share my personal and somewhat counter-cultural philosophy regarding the reception.
I am all over a celebration, especially when you are joyously surrounded by the dearest people of your life. Savor the moment, because the next time such a precious crowd gathers might be at your funeral (or when your winning Powerball ticket is announced).
Society’s ‘Affluenza,’ Disney, and bridal shows on cable tv have created Reception Mania for the Princess Bride. It’s very good for the local economy. But, it sets up unrealistic expectations for many little girls and some boys, too.
Who says one last hurrah for the soon-to-be-dirt-poor couple is such a bad thing…..??? It’s not bad as long as no one is taking out a loan to boogie.
Savor the shining moment of romance. But, the wedding reception isn’t what really matters.
The days AFTER the wedding are what matter. What matters is how you hone your life. Sharpen your wisdom daily with the sword of God’s Word. What matters is how you both embody the servant nature of Christ, let the Holy Spirit work in your heart and live it out in your marriage.
(And to be fair, the couple from this weekend understands this.)
All of us look back upon our weddings with sweet nostalgia. I’m not slamming receptions. I’m trying to encourage where the focal point should be.
The ceremony and its decorations hold no indication or guarantee of future marital happiness.
Will you spend the majority of your pre-ceremony energy recreating your pinterest findings or in grabbing a marital advantage through the following list?
~Discuss what your faith will look like as a couple.
~Get pre-marital counseling (I would recommend from a pastor/minister with counseling education in their background, not all pastors/ministers have this)
~Read books like the ones in the_generous_wife’s marriage library.
~Find a seasoned married pair who have fun being together and start a conversation.
~Find a divorced person and start a conversation about marriage.
~Celebrate your sexual union by reading things like: Preparing for the Wedding Night (hotholyhumorous.com)
future marital happiness is not always intuitive and definitely not dependent on a buffet line.
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As a minister of 40 years, I have a little saying about this: “The more expensive the wedding, the shorter the marriage.” Not always true, of course, but unfortunately it often is. As you allude to, emphasis is being placed in the wrong area.
This hit me: “All of us look back upon our weddings with sweet nostalgia.” Actually, not all of us, because some of us had high-tension weddings and things didn’t go the way they should have. For years I held onto resentment and bitterness that my wedding day wasn’t the amazing, princess-for-a-day experience it should have been.
But at some point, I looked around and realized that several people I knew who’d had gorgeous, seemingly perfect weddings…were divorced. Heartbreaking, but it shifted my perspective to realize that my wedding day was indeed everything it should have been: a covenant vow witnessed by close family to the man I love and with whom I will live for a lifetime. I can’t ask for anything more than that!
A lot of brides forget that an amazing wedding day didn’t just magically happen; most weddings take one year (or more) to plan; lots and LOTS of work and compromise to pull off ONE DAY. If we could just funnel this energy and willingness as a bride into the energy and willingness as a wife, things might look a little different in our marriages.
Oh my goodness, Bonny. I can relate to this post in so many ways. My husband and I spend 2.5 years distance dating having lots of fun but not ever doing or talking about serious stuff serious stuff; and then about a year planning an extravagant wedding. Believe me, it was a fairy tale, and was perfect in every way. It was most definitely a “last hurrah”. Everyone dear to me came. I spent (or my relatives who are still in some debt) half of my grad school tuition. After the honeymoon, we quickly realized we barely knew each other, and had really big problems and things went downhill; we didn’t even have a place to live (outside of my parents house). We spent so much time and money planning the wedding, and so little time and effort and money planning for the marriage. Being married over a year now, and having a very very very difficult first year, we both wish we planned much more for the marriage (in fact if we did plan for the marriage and received proper counsel before hand, we honestly believe we would have called off our engagement for a time and really sought counsel, because together and individually we both have some major issues). We would have had a smaller wedding more focused on the marriage; not planning a fairy tale party. Honestly, i look back on that day with mixed feelings. Not just sweet nostalgia (i have some of that), but also with regret and feelings that I was stupid and ignorant. In fact, at some point we may even want to do a small vow renewal since we are learning what marriage actually is. If I am blessed with children, or even friends thinking about marriage, I hope to really be able to share with them the importance of marriage; and that while a beautiful, fairy tale, wedding reception is nice, it is so unimportant compared to the serious thing that comes after it.