I have been bursting to share this with you! There is going to be a wedding!
Son #2 ran the ‘asking-blended-family-for-his-beauty’s–hand-in-marriage’ gauntlet. First a conversation with biological dad, then with step-dad and then with biological mom. (Step-mom, although loved, didn’t make the cut.)
Her father’s culture is very traditional. J, my son, showed him the utmost respect by asking for her hand in her father’s first language. J said he wasn’t sure if he said it right, but father-in-law got the gist and was extremely pleased.
Biological mom held all the surprises, though. J expected a brick wall. She was graciously receptive.
With permission granted, how should the proposal take place? In the interest of time, click HERE to see The Proposal.
So, what does a Christian Marriage Blogger do when one in their quiver is preparing for marriage? She devours premarital counseling articles and books. I wish I’d read this material 28 years ago!
Mr. Muscle and I had a three minute premarital counseling session. It went something like this,
“Are you both Christians? Yes?”
We both nod.
“That’s great. Just stick with Biblical principles and it will all work out.”
You have a 31% chance of decreasing our national divorce statistics (around 50%) and increasing your overall marital satisfaction if you participate in a structured premarital counseling program*.
I highly recommend, “The Seriously Dating or Engaged: A Premarital Workbook for Couples,” by Dr. Roger and Becky Tirabasii. This would make a great gift for any engagement party. Buy two, a ‘his and hers.’ It is a thought provoking workbook for the self-motivated, to be used with your pastor, or those without money for the paid pre-marital courses. The book’s introduction suggests you find a counselor or pastor with counseling background to go through the material with you or to seek out a mentor couple. (I’ve already given copies to my son and his fiancé.)
Here’s the thing. I am a seasoned marriage veteran and yet, I’m learning new relationship tools through this workbook and other premarital material/articles. It’s made clear to me that if my husband and I would have had premarital education, we may have had tools to work through irritations before they festered.
Why do I say premarital education rather than premarital counseling? Counseling can be a word that holds a negative connotation. There are problems so there must be counseling. Education is just boning up on skills necessary for the new adventure. Astronauts are put through rigorous skills training to fly into space. Marriage may be more common the space flight, but it is certainly more important (in my opinion). It’s a flight into the glorious, passionate, God-designed unknown. Prepare your flight manual including the master pilot, with words and understanding unique to your voyage and you will have a better than average chance of reaching the stars.
Keep in mind solid premarital education should touch on these five topics: Expectations of marriage, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Finances and Sexual Intimacy.
Christian premarital education will focus on these topics incorporating the scheme and sacred word of God’s perfect design for marriage.
Premarital education will lay the groundwork for profound emotional understanding. How to keep each other emotionally safe. How to disagree and recover without damaging. Premarital education can also help clarify that healthy couples will even argue or “fight.” It’s just how you “fight” that makes all the difference. Most importantly, you can focus on trouble spots you’ve already identified while dating.
Premarital education (PME) is a pre-emptive strike against low libido.
PME helps the new husband and wife learn tools to remain emotionally connected. The stronger emotional and spiritual connection I have with my husband, the more I desire to be sexually intimate with him. Learning these tools before saying ‘I do,’ will help the young couple tremendously.
Premarital education, if taken seriously, can help maintain frequency of sexual intimacy pleasing to both partners throughout the entirety of marriage. It doesn’t happen by magic. That’s why the best time to immerse in tools dispelling conflict is during the magical time of engagement.
And as you learn new important insights, young sweet couple, remember who is really giving you the power to connect and commune with one another on a soul level. Jesus’ greatest command was to love God and love other people. God values relationships above all else. The Holy Spirit will give you what is needed to maintain a strong connection with your spouse so that you can both glorify Him. But, you have to do your part, which is to walk in the character of Christ.
“I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally,
your eyes focused and clear,
so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do,
grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers,
oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!” Ephesians 1:15-19 (the message).
Also: 7 Things I Asked My Son About Marriage.
Of course, other great wedding gifts to help the young couple with sexual intimacy are:
Of course, other great wedding gifts to help the young couple with sexual intimacy are:
J’s, “Sex Savvy,”
Sheila Gregoire’s, “Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex,”
and Julie Sibert’s, “Pursuit of Passion.”
Which can be found to the right in the Amazon link.
On Premarital Sex, The Marriage Bed, Why Wait?
Good tips for the soon-to-be-married can be found in Mystery32’s new series: Little things, BIG difference.
Linking with Calm.Healthy.Sexy’s Let’s Get Real Party!
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Congratulations on adding to your family!
Aw, thx. I’ve been praying for my dil’s since the boys were born. I know they are God chosen which infuses them in my heart.
““That’s great. Just stick with Biblical principles and it will all work out.” Such bad advice, right.
Loved, LOVED the switch in your wording: From Premarital counselling to Premarital education. Makes much more sense.
They say learning is a life-long process, I think learning about each other and our marriages fit quite nicely into the life-long learning.
Also, CONGRATS to you guys!!!
Thanks, Robyn. You are right, too. Learning about marriage and your spouse is a life long process! I always hope to be learning and growing with the Lord and my husband.
Very excited for your family, Bonny! And thanks so much for sharing with our link party.
Gaye, we are very excited, too. I am always glad when I can contribute to your link parties. They are full of great blogs I like to be associated with and learn from.
I just finished reading a brand new book that aligns and compliments what you are saying so well – and it’s great for pre-marital education, newlyweds, even those of us married for a good long time. Although it’s labeled for the wife, the husbands will most definitely benefit. It’s about effectively influencing our marriages in a positive way by changing what we can – ourselves – our attitudes, actions, decision, priorities and words. It’s called “The Wholehearted Wife: 10 Keys to a More Loving Relationship,” by Erin, Greg and Gary Smalley. Biblical, inspirational, affirming. One of my favorite quotes is, “When we turn to God for help, he fills us with hislove and enables us to see ourselves and our husbands through his eyes. Keep in mind that a wholehearted wife focuses first on her own heart!” I highly recommend it! http://www.tyndale.com/The-Wholehearted-Wife/9781624051463#.U6upS14Q7wI
Thanks, Heather! This is exactly the kind of recommendation I love to get. ‘a wholehearted wife focuses first on her own heart,’ wonderful stuff!
I remember how excited I was when my son shared his plans with me. Congratulations and great information too! Thanks for partying with us this week at Let’s Get Real.
Thanks, Shari. It is an exciting time and a time full of adjustment, as well. I love partying with my Let’s Get Real pals!
Hi Bonny,
Thanks for sharing. As a newly engaged couple I will definitely be picking up one or two of your reading suggestions.
Blessings on your upcoming union! Let me know what your opinion of the workbook. I will probably be focusing a few more posts on pre-marriage. Stay tuned!