The waning of my physical sex drive was one of the biggest blessings of my life. Maybe yours, too, if you’re a low libido wife.
“WHAT??” I hear in unison.
Being sexual with a throbbing physical yearning is easy. No offense to those ladies who still retain that (and yes, I’m just a little jealous). We are all at different places. If you have a healthy physical libido, it is not an obstacle to complete understanding.
But, for me, when my physical libido was present in the fullest, I was distracted from experiencing the complete realm of marital sexual intimacy as God-ordained it.
With the first layer of libido (physical) diminished, I began to examine the other layers of sexual desire. Within marriage, sexual craving is an integrated appetite of delights involving at least three aspects.
Physical Libido
This is the most tangible layer. It is easily seen, easily felt. It is biochemical in nature.
Emotional Libido
This is when you are at ease with your husband and the two of you are emotionally connecting. You don’t feel like there are any secrets between the two of you. You both enjoy time together and discuss freely whatever comes to mind. This bond makes you receptive to lovemaking, with or without physical libido.
Spiritual Libido
The deepest layer of sexual intimacy. It’s a desire to unite with the very soul of your husband. It gives an enhanced definition to the term ‘one flesh’. It’s a concept not easily understood. We will each come to understand it and experience it in a different way.
Low-libido ladies, I think it is very important to understand there is a spiritual need for sexual intimacy with our husbands, even if we don’t grasp it conceptually. That’s why it’s called a mystery.
Ephesians 5:31&32, “ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.”
Back in Ephesians 1&2, Paul has emphasized the mysterious nature of our unity with Christ, the Savior.
Eph. 1:9-10, “He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure that He planned in Him for the administration of the days of fulfillment, to bring everything together in the Messiah, both things in heaven and things on earth in Him.”
Marriage is used as a symbol to correlate the divine mystery of our spiritual connectedness to Christ. The true essence of our union with Christ will never be understood while we live on this side of the veil. But, we get a tiny little glimpse through the vulnerable, intimate marital relationship.
The Lord Jesus brought our relationship with God the father to a level of intimacy the Old Testament people never dreamed of. It’s supernatural because it’s unseen.
Just like the spiritual union with your husband is unseen. Spiritual libido is supernatural.
Here’s a possible analogy: Have you ever been in a discussion and the exact right words come out of your mouth and you have no idea where they came from? (That’s something along the lines of Mark 13:11.) In the moment of crisis, have you said a quick prayer for peace only to find calmness sweep over your being like a sigh? That’s the Holy Spirit (John 14:26&27).
I know the Holy Spirit is there even if I don’t understand his essence. Couldn’t that be comparable to Spiritual Libido? It’s craving to commune with your husband’s unseen soul. It’s to become one seamlessly, body and spirit, as two puzzle pieces make a whole. It’s a desire to give of yourself and truly know your husband on all planes.
Yada Yada Yada
This probably is not news to you, but the original reference to sexual intercourse in the Bible is Genesis 4:1, “And Adam knew Eve, his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, and said, ‘I have acquired a man from the Lord.’”
The Hebrew for ‘knew’ in this instance is yada. (Try to squash that Seinfeld audio that just popped in your head….) Yada has an intimate meaning of ‘know.’ It is used over 1,000 times in the Old Testament. In Gen. 4:1, it is a euphemism for sexual relations. I even found one reference for yada’s meaning to be ‘co-mingling of souls.’ In the academic Hebrew translation sites I researched, it wasn’t listed. But, I like that imagery.
Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.”…He wants us to yada him.
Psalm 139:1, “Oh Lord, Thou hath searched me and known me.”
Galatians 4:9, “But now, since you know God, or rather have become known by God, how can you turn back again…”…GOD YADA/KNOWS US!
God wants us to know Him. He wants to know us. He wants husband and wife to know each other completely. Supernatural sex is more than sex, it is Spirit-filled lovemaking and loveknowing.
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See Julie Sibert’s post, “Worship the Lord, Make Love to Your Spouse.”
See Megan at DoNotDisturb’s, “Sex is Receiving.”
See Sheila Gregoire’s thoughts, “Experiencing Spiritual Intimacy While You Make Love.”
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“Unlock Your Libido: 52-week Sex Drive Transformation,” is now available on Kindle!
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This post was incredibly well written and so appropriate. Fully understanding the spiritual nature of sex is one of the most incredible gifts I have ever received and I am so glad you continue to speak out about it. Blessings!
Megan
Megan, thank you so much for you kind comment! I agree, it is such an incredible gift to understand the spiritual nature of sex. It’s a difficult concept to grasp when we are pushing against the world’s view of the superficial pleasure. It’s my prayer that ladies who are struggling may find these words something to ponder. Thanks for your wonderful work over at Donotdisturb!
I do feel like the seasons of marriage and our sex lives bring about many challenges that can deepen our connection to our spouses. I’ve felt that in my life and marriage, Pearl. And it’s interesting that you’re speaking about the blending of these three areas, since that’s something that I’ve been reading about and thinking about lately as well. Thanks so much for your wisdom here each week!
Hi Beth, You are right, the seasons of marriage and life bring about understanding and connection if we allow it. That is interesting that you, too, have been considering how these blend. There is a reason God is putting it on our hearts. Thanks for the link-up this week, Beth. I look forward to getting to know messymarriage (and you) better!
I’m afraid I disagree with some points here:
1) There is no such thing as a soul mate, this is not biblical. This is a Greek mythology concept that has invaded our theology.
2) People do not have souls. This is another item of Greek mythology that has sad made its way into Christian speech. Genesis is pretty clear that a soul is a body + the spirit of God. There for, we do not have a soul, we are a soul.
Hi JayDee, I appreciate you bringing these finer points to light. I knew that my ‘soulmate’ reference would probably bring some things up. I understand what you are clarifying and I agree with it. However, for my piece here I am addressing women who may have never contemplated the physical act of intimacy as spiritual in nature. What I obviously didn’t say clear enough is that when we have sexual intimacy with our husbands we are ‘mating’ with his soul, not just his body. Which would be an enhanced/improved definition of the worldly view that a soulmate is the person destined for you to spend the rest of your life with
Ooops…one more clarification of the above sentence…..we are ‘mating’ with his spirit, not just his body.
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Beautiful post, Pearl! I love this. It’s hard to define exactly what “experiencing” your husband’s spirit and “experiencing” the Holy Spirit feels like, and it’s even more challenging to put those two together (spiritual sexual intimacy) and you did a wonderful job in tackling a challenging subject. I’m sharing this link in my post today!
Hello, sweet friend! Thank you for the kind words. Spiritual Sexual Intimacy has been a blessing to contemplate and experience. I just want to pass along that blessing. Thank you!!
Your clear language about spiritual sexual intimacy is refreshing. God is big on intimacy (knowing and being known, completely), especially in marriage. The spiritual side of sex is a struggle for many couples.
Many times a spouse will not cross over the line and enter the spiritual side of sex. “I want to know you this far, but no farther” seems to be the mantra in many bedrooms. It’s a shame that many couples will never be blessed with God’s best for their marriages because they will not let go and enjoy the ecstasy that our Father meant for them.
Thank you again for your clear insight.
http://genuinehusband.blogspot.com
Thanks, TB…..God’s best blessing is through the spiritual, I totally agree.