Body awareness is being in tune with your senses, muscles, alignment, aches, pains and pleasure. In dance, it is important to be mindful about your body to create the visual, moving art. In exercise and dance, it’s important to know your limits so that you don’t injure your body.
For low libido wives relying on emotional libido, the physical libido gets pushed to the back burner because it doesn’t fire up like we want. Practicing awareness of our bodies, may increase satisfaction in the physical element of sexual intimacy.
However, sometimes certain areas on our bodies can have emotional residue attached.
Specifically, I want to discuss when our husbands are playful and want to grab our goodies…..
In my own life, I’ve brushed up against sexual pollution. It’s always been focused on my breasts.* I was the girl who was wearing a trainer in 2nd grade. Because of the boys’ interest in my bra straps, we had a classroom discussion in 3rd grade about proper behavior. At 11, my breasts received improper attention from one of my father’s acquaintances. I did not keep quiet about the incident. At 16, a teacher had undue interest in my breasts. I did not keep quiet about that incident, either.
Even though I feel these situations were handled the best way possible, I don’t like my breasts to be touched out of the blue by my husband.
Consistency with personal space.
A book I read recently had a couple of paragraphs focusing on wives praying away the annoyance of being grabbed (breasts or buttocks). I didn’t quite agree.
I think we are allowed personal space. Yes, my body is not mine. But, neither is his. My breasts are his. His hands are mine. If he esteems me, he is not just going to grab boob when he knows that it is unpleasant to me in ‘just playing’ kind of situations. To me, grabbing my breasts is not an appealing way to ‘just play’ because of my background.
The key is consistency. Men aren’t mind readers. If your mood dictates whether his grabbing is okay or not, that’s a different scenario. Be a considerate wife and communicate what’s going on in your head/heart if it’s a bad day for playful touching.
But, for me, sexual pollution has made me very sensitive about that area.
And so, I reach my second point…
Touch communication
Tell him where you don’t like to be touched unexpectedly/playfully and why. If you can’t figure out why, let it ruminate. You may or may not figure it out, but be consistent.
Tell him what is enjoyable for you in flirty playtime.
Mr. Muscle (a.k.a. my husband) can grab my posterior all he wants. I’ve worked hard getting this thing from buns of cellulite all the way to buns of memory foam. He can tickle my neck or inner thigh. He can even run his fingers through my hair any time he wants.
Where on your body can your man touch at any time that will be fun for you? That’s what he needs to hear.
It’s very important to focus on what we like. If we have to discuss what we don’t like, it should be done outside of the bedroom as to not hurt anyone’s feelings. I used the word ‘annoy’ during an inopportune moment and it seriously hurt his feelings.
That is part of our responsibility, low libido wives. We have to take responsibility for our own discomforts and pleasures. We have to communicate them in a loving fashion. In communicating, we are taking responsibility for our part of sexual intimacy. I think all men will love and respect their low libido wives stepping up to the plate to communicate gently and effectively. In the end, it should improve the way we relate through sexual intimacy.
Communicate
Be consistent
Give him alternatives, not ultimatums.
*I realize that there are many who have dealt with far worse sexual pollution than this. I am in no way minimizing anyone’s experience.
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Thanks for the link! I loved this post.
Sis, keep up the your great work. You have such depth of spirit and you are fun, too. I’m glad we could ‘partner’ on this topic. 🙂
I’m sorry you ever had to endure those things 🙁 🙁 but I’m glad you didn’t remain silent about them! There is so much sexual sin out there that has caused unimaginable pain for so many people. 🙁 I pray that God would somehow bring a full healing for you from those experiences and memories.
Greg, I know that I’m fortunate that my incidents weren’t more serious. Many many women deal with much worse. But, I just wanted to be real and let ladies’ know that we each may have certain struggles that affect how we like to be touched. Struggles may include sexual pollution, or could be body image, pain, and many other things I can’t think of. Thank you for your always kind words, Greg!
This is a great post, Bonny. I’m sorry that those painful incidents happened when you were so young, but am very thankful that you were not silent about them. Silence allows sexual sin to breed and grow, and we need to help children learn to speak up about it. I think that your take on dealing with these kinds of difficulties in marriage is spot on. The idea that “your body belongs to your husband so just let it go” does not sit well with me. You’re talking about a long-term, painful issue, not a minor annoyance. It’s something that a couple needs to address and work through together, with increased love and intimacy as the goal.
Thank you, Gaye, for your words. I pray for any others who have dealt with this kind of thing. Not easy, but there is always hope.
Excellent advice! And I nearly fell off my chair at this line: “I’ve worked hard getting this thing from buns of cellulite all the way to buns of memory foam.”
I usually throw out the lines I personally think are fun, second guessing myself. I kept this one in, just to see if it translated. I’m so glad you liked it!
When I was 12, a boy in school kept brushing the back of his hand across my backside. I didn’t know what to do about that at the time and just endured it. Fast forward a couple of decades and I realized I was feeling tense and resentful at my husband doing the same move. I never told him about the incident, so it wasn’t like he was being insensitive.
I remember standing at the kitchen sink. Hubby walked by, brushed my backside as he walked by, and I felt that negativity well up. I asked myself why I was feeling that way and I realized it was because it triggered the memory of that boy. I thought about telling hubby to stop, but he loves my backside, and I decided I did NOT want that boy to have any influence or control of my marriage. I declared his power over me gone and I gifted my husband in my heart his rightful place and hands on my body. Now, I relish his touch. It is his touch. HIS TOUCH! No more triggered memories or negative feelings….just the rightful wonderfulness of Hubby’s touch. I refuse to handcuff my husband over someone else’s sin. I handcuffed the memory instead and sent it to the electric chair and freed my husband and myself.
I’m so glad you shared how you freed yourself of the negative memory. Praise God you were able to let his love and your husband’s love overshadow your memory. Everyone is different in how they process ‘sexual pollution’ with the help of Christ. Thank you for your experience. I know it will help others.