Several of you have asked that I begin to address some more difficult topics, such as; oral sex, anal sex, sex toys, premarital sex, infidelity, pornography.

Before I begin to address any difficult topic, I want you to be aware that the overarching goal of this blog is always to get YOU to contemplate information and decide what is right for you, not tell you what to think.  I have opinions, but ultimately you have to study and decide for yourself what practice promotes godliness and intimacy between you and your husband.

So, with that in mind, let’s talk about anal sex.

What are the medical implications of anal sex?

There are four things to consider:

1. The sphincter muscle is the ring of muscle that makes up the anus. It keeps fecal material in until a person intentionally dispels the matter.  If stretched repeatedly, this muscle can weaken.  A weak anus means that it will not hold things in as well, which can lead to fecal incontinence.
2. The tissue in the anal canal is different from tissue in your vagina. The anal tissue is more delicate.  It is thinner and less elastic than vaginal tissue.  It is less naturally lubricating.  This all means that anal tissue can tear/rip more easily than vaginal tissue.
3. Fecal matter held in the anus contains bacteria and other microbes. The anal canal is designed to provide a protective barrier between the microbes and your blood stream.  If there is a tear, then there is a high risk of infection.
4. If the penis is transferred from the anus to the vagina without a thorough cleansing there is a high risk of vaginal and/or urinary tract infection.

To be fair, not everyone is as susceptible to damage as some.  IF you are to engage in this, doctors recommend a condom be worn to minimize the risk of infection for either spouse and LOTS and LOTS of lubricant be used.

What does the Bible say about anal sex?

First off, let’s just be clear that anal sex between married people is not a salvation issue.

The Bible does not specifically address anal sex between husband and wife.  In light of this fact, even if you are a firm detractor of anal sex, in the end, it’s a decision to be agreed upon by each husband and wife.

The Old Testament speaks of indecent acts between men.

Genesis 19:5 (NIV), “They [the men of Sodom] called to Lot, “Where are the men [two angels] who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.”

Leviticus 18:22 (NIV), “Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.”

Judges 19:22-23 (NIV), “While they were enjoying themselves, some of the wicked men of the city surrounded the house. Pounding on the door, they shouted to the old man who owned the house, ‘Bring out the man who came to your house so we can have sex with him.’  The owner of the house went outside and said to them, ‘No, my friends, don’t be so vile. Since this man is my guest, don’t do this outrageous thing.’”

The New Testament speaks of unnatural relations between same sexes.

Romans 1:26-27 (NIV), “Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts.  Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones.  In the same way, the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for oe another.  Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.”

Jude 1:6-7 (ESV), “And the angels who did not stay within their own position of authority, but left their proper dwelling, he has kept in eternal chains under gloomy darkness until the judgment of the great day—just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire (sarkos heteras), serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire.”

When the Bible doesn’t have an exact example.

When there is no specific directive in the Bible about a circumstance, we must use general principles to make a decision.  This involves asking three questions.

Does it honor God?

Does it help mature our character to be more like Christ?

I can’t answer these two questions for you personally.  However, I will stress that consent is imperative here.  Nothing should be done in the marriage bed that either spouse does not want to do.  And as always, even though sexual play feels good, pleasure is never at the expense of intimacy.  Intimacy will never be built if one spouse feels coerced, degraded, or used.

Is it good for us?

1 Corinthians 6:12 (NIV), “’I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’—but I will not be mastered by anything.”

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV), “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

Some use the above verse to prohibit anal sex due to the chance of harming your body.

My personal take

Full fledge anal penetration by the penis is not what the rectum and anus were meant for.  I’ve already mentioned that rectal tissue is different from vaginal tissue.  God designed the two organs different because they have different purposes.

In past posts, I have written to “spice things up” in order to boost arousal and help those who have trouble with orgasm.  Maybe some of you think that I am referring to anal sex.  I am not.  For a wife struggling with low sexual interest, anal sex is a topic that just doesn’t seem necessary.  I mean, after all, she’s struggling with putting the penis in the vagina let alone any place else.

This does not discount anal play, however.

Anal Play

The anal area is an erogenous zone.  There is an erotic pleasure felt because the pudendal nerve is responsible for the sensory perception we experience when the anal area is touched.  The pudendal nerve also innervates the clitoris and labia in females and the scrotum and penis in males.

Anal play is not full penetration, but teasing and possibly slight penetration by something very slender (like a finger sheathed in a condom).

You may want to consider anal play, maybe you have never even thought about it before.  So, take your time considering this.  Maybe your husband has expressed an interest in exploring the back door (exterior).  Don’t automatically discount it.  You may be pleasantly surprised.   It will just take getting comfortable with the idea and relaxing during the encounter.

Pragmatically, you’ll feel most comfortable for the encounter if you both shower first.  Men should have well-trimmed fingernails and use plenty of lubricant when tenderly caressing the area.

Final Thoughts

I’m aware that there are married Christians who explore anal sex as a part of their marriage bed.  That is the right of two consenting married adults to agree upon.

But, if you want my opinion, stick with anal play.

Other Resources:

Sex Chat for Christian Wives Podcast:  Episode 31:  Answering Listener Questions (anal sex question)

WebMD:  Anal Sex Safety and Health Concerns