I’d like to tell you climaxing is effortless, but you already know that it’s not. There are days when reaching orgasm is like a breathy, halted journey across a swinging rope bridge. It’s exciting and gets your adrenaline pumping, but it takes diligence, courage and playful work on your part. And that’s OK.
“The soul of the diligent is richly supplied,” Proverbs 13:4.
Playfulness is the point of lovemaking, not orgasm. Focus on sensations with no expectation.
It’s good to have knowledge of different sensations that you enjoy. If you find one sensation isn’t ramping up the arousal, switch to something else. Then, come back to it, if you want. Orgasm is about firing up as many nerves as possible. Use the entire orchestra, not just the soloist.
Remember, God created orgasm. “Every generous act and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights; with Him there is no variation or shadow cast by turning,” James 1:17.
These next few items can help anyone who struggles with orgasm, but are geared toward the woman who is pre-orgasmic and is working toward her first O.
Choose the right time of the month.
In an ultrasound study by Cesare Battaglia, the dorsal clitoral artery was found to have a better flow of blood depending on the woman’s menstrual cycle.
It was shown that there was an increasing blood volume to the clitoris between day 3 until about day 14. From day 14 until day 20 the blood volume held steady and then started to decline. The greater blood flow means greater oxygenation to the clitoral nerves and greater ability to cause the divine spark.
Daily clenching and unclenching your pc muscles (i.e. doing your Kegels).
There are many benefits of toned pelvic floor. Clenching and unclenching before and during a rendezvous can help coax an orgasm.
If you read through the Exquisite Clitoris, you know that there is a vast complex network of clitoral tissue. This clitoral tissue is sandwiched between your pelvic floor muscles. So, when you clench and unclench you are directly manipulating your female erectile tissue.
As you clench and release, you may feel a nice sensation. To double the sensation prior to a rendezvous, try crossing your legs, then clench/release.
Lots of foreplay. (See How a Husband Can Help) Arousal is the key to orgasm.
Lots of Lubricant Coconut oil is very nice and cheap.
Relax your throat and open your mouth slightly (smile)!
This helps your entire body relax. Don’t forget to breathe, especially if things are starting to build. Don’t hold your breath. You need the oxygen to keep your nerves on fire.
Don’t be afraid to coach your husband.
You’ll be able to best coach him if you’ve already discovered your sensitive zones by previous exploration, even achieving orgasm by yourself (See O Exploration).
Outside of the bedroom, give him a heads-up that you would like to help him understand what feels good for you.
Then inside the bedroom, you can coach him without saying a word! Gently guide his hands with your hands. If your orgasm is his goal, too, he will not be insulted. He will be elated that you are taking an active part in finding your climax.
Orgasm is described as ‘falling off the edge.’
One theory of achieving orgasm is to tease to high arousal and then back off. You are brought to the edge through clitoral stimulation and then slow down or cease physical stimulation, only to begin building again. If you aren’t having luck with continuous stimulation, this may be worth a shot. Use differing types of touch; strokes, circles, taps, etc.
Eventually, you reach the precipice and there is no backing off anymore.
For the lady with O-potential, clitoral stimulation is going to be the best bet to achieve your first orgasm. You may want to consider oral sex.
I know, I know…..relax. Just contemplate the possibility. (See Forgiven Wife: Do I Have To?)
Arching your back.
As the tension builds and it feels like you nearly can’t stand it in a good way, some women find it is easier to entice an orgasm by arching their backs. This can help you position the anterior (front) of your vaginal wall to experience more direct stimulation (See Delightful Urethral Sponge). Here’s the caveat, don’t tense up the rest of your body while arching!
Lengthening your spine.
During the arousal process, sometimes it is helpful to continue stimulation, while you lay back, tilt your chin up slightly and relax. Imagine a ribbon running through your spine and out the top of your head. Imagine pulling ever so slightly on the ribbon to decompress your spine. Again, don’t tense up the rest of your body.
Advanced technique: Arch your back while lengthening your spine and staying relaxed. (i.e. hop on one foot, rub you tummy and pat your head.)
Don’t empty your bladder. Some women find it helpful to start with a bladder that is not empty, but not full, either. A bladder in this state will be larger than when empty. This gives the urethral sponge and inner clitoral network something to push against.
This isn’t helpful for all women, so it depends on the woman. If you have a problem with UTI’s, do not attempt this. You should urinate before and after sexual activity to flush the microbes.
Some women say they feel like they have to pee when highly sexually aroused. What I suspect is this has to do with female ejaculation (See Delightful Urethral Sponge). If your bladder wasn’t full to begin with, you probably are not going to urinate. Ride through the urge and see what happens. You could be very happy with the outcome.
Surf through all of this with no expectations. Just feel the sensations and relax.
What does it feel like to approach orgasm? Here is an analogy.
You are sitting on the runway in a jet, next for takeoff. In moments, you’ll rocket to the end of the tarmac. You’re a little edgy. You want to relax, but there’s just a bit of adrenaline rippling through your veins.
The pilot finally accelerates. The forward thrust pushes you into the back of your seat. You breathe deeply and grip the armrest.
The plane bullets toward take-off. Adrenaline is still surging. Your heart is racing a little faster now. You try to calm and think happy thoughts.
You tell yourself to relax and try to release muscle tension. There’s still uncertainty, will you lift-off the ground? The tension doesn’t quite leave and you are getting closer and closer to the end of the run-way. You realize you are holding your breath and you exhale just as you feel the wheels leave the ground.
For several seconds, you live in this place between being fully relaxed and still very tightly wound. And then finally in an explosion of relief, lift-off. You are sailing safely through the air.
Final thoughts
Playful practice makes perfect.
No expectations, just work toward being fully aroused.
Then, take a trip to the airport. 😉
If anorgasmia burdens your heart, please let me pray for you. Contact me at Pearlmail3@gmail.com.
Read the series: A Window Into O’s
Prayer: A Window Into O’s
The Plumbing of O’s: The Origin of Orgasm Tissue
The Plumbing of O’s: Labia Love
The Plumbing of O’s: The Vaginal Vestibule
A Key to Understanding Orgasm: The Exquisite Clitoris and Company
The “O” Zones: The Delightful Urethral Sponge
A Key to Understanding Orgasm: Deep Spots
O Explore: understanding your bodies arousal
The Effort of Ecstasy
O Potential: How the Husband Can Help
Nurturing Your Gardenia: Helpful Hints on Reaching O’s
photo credit: aeinbu via photopin c.c
Also, Clifford and Joyce Penner’s, The Gift of Sex, has a lot to say about this topic. I highly recommend it.
