I hear from high drive wives all the time. OysterBed7 is a desperate attempt for them to try to understand their sexually unresponsive husband, even though I never claim to have a handle on male low libido. My niche is female low libido.
Statistics show 25% of wives are not being sexually satisfied in their marriage. However, I tend to agree with Belah Rose (of Delight You Marriage), on her podcast, “Why He Wants It All the Time (and What He Should Do To Get It)” the majority of husbands are wired with a much higher need for sexual intimacy than their wives.
Physical and emotional needs mesh into one huge biochemical party for men. Read this link, if you want to know why sex is so important to your husband.
So, why are 25% of wives cravin’ more lovin’?
Belah Rose mentions husbands may be dealing with performance insecurities, body image/penis size issues, or low testosterone.
Other medical things to consider about your husband’s low libido.
1. Review prescriptions he is taking. For example, Anti-depressants and high blood pressure medicine can dampen sex drive (see anaphrodisiacs). Check the side effects of the drugs he’s taking.
2. Manage pain, but not with opioids (which also decrease sex-drive).
3. Penile dysfunction.
Deal with erectile or ejaculating problems by seeing a doctor. The cure can be as simple as a little extra testosterone to go with your morning coffee. However, these kind of problems are excruciating for some men to talk about. Handle with extreme sensitivity.
4. Fear of pregnancy.
If done having children, have permanent contraception (tubal ligation/vasectomy).
5. Manage depression.
The first step in getting help is admitting depression could be a problem.
6. Traumatic experience.
Whether past sexual, emotional, or physical abuse, or some other horrible event from his childhood, men can have trouble healing. Seek a licensed counselor.
Other things that may be taking up too much space in his brain.
7. Manage time better. How is he managing time? Social media, gaming, and television steal precious time.
8. Get more sleep. How many hours of sleep is he getting on average? If less than 7, that’s not good.
9. Reduce stress.
Prioritize life and stick with the gameplan.
- God
- Marriage
- Kids
- Career
Plus, getting more sleep and using time better should help with stress.
10. Pornography
Belah also mentions something that I agree with. Some uninterested husbands may be receiving gratification elsewhere.
According to a 2014 Survey conducted by Barna Research, 65% of men 31-49 years old and 79% of men 18-30 who love Jesus and are sitting in church with you on Sunday are looking at pornography at least once a month. Only a third of them think they have an ‘excessive use’ problem.
I believe any porn use is an ‘excessive use’ problem. Anything, from romance novels to suggestive commercials to outright pornography, that steals your sexual energy from your spouse is an excessive use problem. There is nothing Satan loves better than to mutate and twist something God created for love and beauty.
Over half of you have a man who is viewing pornography, whether you know it or not.
I don’t want to sound like an alarmist and please don’t approach your husband in accusation. It’s just something to consider if a wife is feeling neglected.
11. And last, is he feeling belittled?
Are you putting holes in his heart?
Thinking of shows like, “Everybody Loves Raymond,” and commercials that have dad’s looking like bumbling idiots. This attitude of men as incompetent dolts seeps through the screen and lands in our homes if we are not careful.
I had a young friend Facebook shame her husband the other day. He put the diaper on wrong and she posted pics of it on Facebook. Now, she may have thought this was all good fun, and you may claim I have no sense of humor, but this is not the way to show your man you love and respect him for wanting to be a part of creating a family together.
The truth is men and women approach things different. We are equal but opposites. Women need men and men need women.
So, I wonder if some of our low-drive men are feeling like they aren’t needed. Their opinions are brushed off as silly. Their motives aren’t good enough. Maybe they don’t put a diaper on the right way at first. Would you be good at changing a flat tire?
It doesn’t mean you both can’t learn about diapering and tiring. That’s where we extend grace and patience.
If you want to be adored and cherished and be pursued for some sack-time, you have to adore and cherish him. It’s a cycle.
Develop new habits of how you speak to each other. No snark. Honesty. Consider their viewpoint with an open heart.
I don’t have all the answers. Frankly, I’m just pondering some stuff I’ve thought about for awhile. I completely understand every marriage is different.
And, I wanted to send you over to Belah Rose to listen to her podcast, “Why He Wants It All The Time (and What He Should Do To Get It)“
