I have a treat for you this morning! Amanda Uher, of allthelittlepieces (mothering. mildly misbehaving. making life matter) is guest posting for us today!
God happened to place this kindred blogging sister in a seat right next to mine, not just once, but twice, at SheSpeaks! We exchanged pleasantries. But, I didn’t know what a gem she was until after I got home and visited her blog.
Amanda Uher delightfully writes about juggling the bits of life with a young family at allthelittlepieces. She is full of insight and humor and weaves her faith through the imperfection of it all.
Amanda is smack dab in the middle of the chaos of young mama life. It was a time when I wished I’d better invested in sexual intimacy. She will candidly speak about the issues and solutions for the next three Tuesdays. Please welcome, Amanda Uher!
You’d be awesome if you show her some love and leave a comment at the end.
I’ve been married to Matt for almost twelve years. When I reflect on the best seasons in the life of our marriage, I find a common denominator: we were having sex. Often.
But, I will tell you from the get-go: a thriving sex life is not something we’ve consistently had. And when we have, it has not been without effort.
ESPECIALLY since having children. (Ours are currently six and four.)
How in the world do we find time for sex when we have littles at home?
I’ll be honest. I’ve felt really unqualified to answer this question. Because it’s not something that has come easily for me. It didn’t before we had kids, and it certainly hasn’t since having babies. Who became toddlers. Who became little children. Who need/want/demand my attention every. waking. moment.
But, then God reminded me that a lot of us feel like that. And maybe you’d like to hear from someone who doesn’t find victory here in any natural way.
Y’all, it is a supernatural victory in my marriage when our sex life thrives EXISTS.
And so, as I prayed and reflected on what in the world I could possibly offer you in your journey, God showed me three main roadblocks that you and I need His help to overcome.
(Surprisingly, they’re NOT called The Preschooler, The Toddler, and The Baby.)
To have a sex life when our children are young, it’s critical that we identify and break through the following three roadblocks:
Fatigue Block
Now, go re-heat your coffee, mamas. It’s time to tackle the first roadblock:
Fatigue Block is the “I’m Too Tired” syndrome. And I have a chronic case. Sufferers of this syndrome, when alert enough to think a complete thought at all, believe sex is best reserved for times when Not Tired. (Because, SLEEP.)
But let’s be real, ladies: I’ve been some degree of Tired for the past SIX YEARS. So, if I plan to ever have sex again while my children are living at home, I may need to change my expectation.
Maybe I should stop holding out for a moment when I’m Not Tired. (Because I am NEVER Not Tired.) But, there ARE times that I’m Less Tired.
For example: I am Less Tired at 8 pm than I am at 10 pm. Therefore, if my husband and I want to hang out and watch a movie on the couch after the kids are in bed (as we often do), it would be really brilliant of me to initiate sex with him BEFORE we start the movie!
Sex does not have to be the last thing we do before we go to sleep at night. (We used to know this. When did we forget?)
When are YOU less tired? Are you a morning person? Try giving your husband a “special wake up call.” (And trust me – if your husband is not a morning person, he will gladly become one if he’s awakened by you.) (Naked.)
So, shock the pants off your man (literally – that would be exciting) and suggest sex WHILE THE SUN IS STILL UP!!!
I can hear you now: “Pardon me. You seem to have forgotten the little children. Remember them? Great thoughts, but, ’sun still up’ is synonymous with ‘child hanging on my leg.’”
Ah, yes. Don’t worry, I’m still with you – and we’ve conveniently arrived at our second roadblock:
Privacy Block.
I’m really looking forward to diving into this next week.
We will use the phrase, “Sex Ninja.”
Trust me, you don’t want to miss it.
Amanda lives near Charlotte, NC, with her husband Matt, and their two young children. She loves Jesus – but sometimes she’s not very good at it. When it comes to motherhood, wife-hood (is that a thing?), and life in general, sometimes she gets it right; sometimes she crashes and burns. It usually makes for some good stories along the way. Find her atallthelittlepieces.com, like her page at http://facebook.com/
Amanda lives near Charlotte, NC, with her husband Matt, and their two young children. She loves Jesus – but sometimes she’s not very good at it. When it comes to motherhood, wife-hood (is that a thing?), and life in general, sometimes she gets it right; sometimes she crashes and burns. It usually makes for some good stories along the way. Find her atallthelittlepieces.com, like her page at http://facebook.com/
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That Amanda is amazing! Such refreshing transparency! So real… Can you believe her mother-in-law is commenting about the sex blog?? Such common sense, but why are we so slow to catch on!!?
Love,
Mom Uher
Hey Mama Uher, I couldn’t agree more. What a great mil you are!
I LOVE that you’re commenting on the sex blog! (And am not surprised in the least! Ha!) Best MIL ever.
Haha! I love this! My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we have 4 kids (ages 8, 5, 3 and 2 — the youngest two are both energetic little boys :-)). I, too, feel somewhat unqualified to comment on how to keep sex alive because this has been a challenge for us, especially during my pregnancies when having sex landed me in the hospital more often then not (hyperemesis gravidarum)– you shoulda seen the dirty looks we got from the nurses ;-). HOWEVER, we have learned some tips through trial and error over the years:
With little kids, before they learn how to climb out, set up a pack n play in front of the TV and turn on something entertaining (Pingu and Kipper are interesting without being mind-numbing) — this usually kept my kids occupied for about an hour and the greatest part was we could set this up any time. It was our Sunday afternoon special.
With older kids, yep, turn on the tube! TV can be a blessing if you use it well and this is definitely a cause worth employing it over. My kids particularly enjoy UP, Nanny McPhee and Duck Dynasty. Just make sure you lock your bedroom door so nobody wanders in. Give them chocolate for additional distraction.
And in the middle of the night — you know the times you wake up in between REM cycles and you wake up more aware then usual, wake up your hubby and have a little fun. This scenario has the added benefit of actually going back to sleep afterward.
Looking forward to learning about how to be a sex ninja. 🙂
Cheers!
These tips are fantastic. It’s so encouraging to hear from other women who are in the trenches just like me! Thanks so much for sharing from your experience!
Thanks for sharing Amanda. I think we all can relate to your post today! By the way, I sat next to Bonnie at one of our She Speaks sessions too! Small world, huh? 🙂
Lisa, thanks for your affirmation! And, wow yes – small world! I was probably sitting on the other side of her! 🙂
WHAT IF YOUR HUSBAND NEVER MAKES TIME FOR YOU UNLESS HE WANTS SEX… I CANT GET HIM TO SEE HOW USED IT MAKES ME FEEL. ANY TIPS.. PLEASE?
I completely understand your comment, because at one time we were in that same place. Change doesn’t happen overnight. Change is usually a compromise of sorts that grows into a mutually agreeable relationship. Here is an article you may find helpful. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_attn.html and you might want to share this article with your husband: http://www.the-generous-husband.com/2012/12/29/a-womans-view-on-women-and-sex/.