If you are just joining the Sex Drive Transformation Challenge, WELCOME and please see the INTRODUCTION HERE.
(Husbands, if you are reading, you are invited to pray these scriptures and thoughts over your wives.)
Sex frenzy. That’s what our media content could be described as these days.
Many relationships that are outside of God’s guidelines are portrayed on small screen, big screen, print. As low libido ladies, sometimes we have a polar reaction to what we see. That reaction is to close up, to withdraw from our sensual nature.
We have to separate worldly sexuality from our sexuality as Christian wives. Our sexuality is not defined by the world. Ask God to help you see that.
Week 9
“You, dear children are from God and have overcome them (those who deny that Jesus is from God and who have the spirit of the world), because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world,” 1 John 4:4.
I give myself permission to be a sexually charged wife.
I agree with the concept Pearl, but I am wondering what they are giving themsselves permission to be or do. I don’t mean I am personally curious, although I am. What I mean is do “they” know what that permission means to them. As I read many blogs with comments from or about low desire women, one thing seems to stand out. Most of those women are not connected with their own sexuality or their bodies. They do not know “what” they desire or “how” they desire it. They give lip service to wanting change, but to what? I am not attacking them here. I am saying they need to do some heavy lifting towards getting in touch with their sensual side. They need to acknowledge how they feel about sex and being sexy. If dirty and immoral come to mind first, there is not much to give themselves permission about. Without a healthy attitude about sex, especially when confused religious perceptions come into play, permission is pointless.
Until they define what sex and sexuality means to them, they have nothing to give themselves permission to be or do. What is your sexual role as a “religious” woman in a marriage? What do you think it should be? What do you wish it could be? Until you can truthfully answer those questions, what are you giving yourself permission for?
Most women seem to be ill-educated about their sexual selves. Until they take responsibility for and acknowledge their attitude toward and how they “do” sex in their lives, a lower drive will be their only option. You have to know what you desire and want to live that desire to begin with before you can even think about ramping it up.
Exactly! My aim is to inspire the lower drive wife to contemplate her sensual nature. “Giving Yourself Permission,” means allowing her heart and physical nature to open up to the possibility. The possibility of what? The possibility of sensual experiences that are positive. The shape and form this sensuality will take is different for each woman. I just want her to open up to explore the possibilities. If she gives herself permission to be a sexually charged wife, only she and her husband knows how this will unfold. But, if there can be a change of mindset, even infinitesimal, for the low-libido wife, brava! That’s the beginning of getting connected to sexuality. It can be done. I’m here to attest to it.
If dirty and immoral come to mind first, that is why I urge them to PRAY that God will reveal the truth of her marital sexuality. Her sexuality isn’t defined by the media. Her sexuality is a wonderful gift.
You are right that many do not know how to be connected to their desire. But, as I am one of these wives who has struggled, it is a three pronged process, spiritual, emotional and physical. As you come to see what I write about. I hope that you’ll see I weave through these topics, gently encouraging.
Permission is not, in my opinion, pointless. Permission allows the process of a healthy sexual attitude to begin. The ‘permission’ is to think about herself as a sexual being. Giving herself permission will help her to begin to define what sex and sexuality means. I see the process opposite of you. First the woman has to allow herself to be open to her sexuality, then she can understand the other questions you mentioned.
As a low libido wife, I can tell you, that repression is easy. Don’t think about it. Giving yourself permission to think about sensuality and how it relates to God and faith is the beginning of becoming a wife who understands about how sexuality is fundamental to marriage. Giving yourself permission means you can ruminate on all the things you mentioned, Mr. Userdand. They can’t take responsibility for and acknowledge their attitude until they give themselves permission to think about sensuality in a positive nature.
Wow, you said,
“As a low libido wife, I can tell you, repression is easy.”
That is so dang true. Exactly why it is so hard to talk ourselves into cultivating our sensuality. Permission to become different is the beginning, permission to have a desire to change.
Amen, Rebekah! I pray courage upon you. It’s not easy. But, at least contemplating change is the first step!!