This is week 38 of Unlock Your Libido: 52-week Sex Drive Transformation.
Read this introductory post to see what it’s all about.
It’s a classic. “Not tonight honey, I’ve got a headache.”
Of course, as a Christian sex advocate I would highly recommend you never utter those words. Especially since I recently discovered that orgasm can be a prescription to end migraine. (Just one more reason for my pre-orgasmic friends to contemplate pursuing the Big O.)
Women are more likely to have migraines than men – 18% or women, 8% of men (Steiner et al, Cephalalgia, 2003).
The World Health Organization classifies migraines as among the most disabling illnesses, comparable to dementia, quadriplegia, and active psychosis (Shapiro & Goadsby, Cephalalgia, September 2007).
I’ve been dealing with a migraine all week. Migraines are an excruciating, throbbing, pulsating strobe light in my head. During the ‘party,’ all important brain activity is put on pause. Higher thinking, like sorting laundry or coherent sentences is overshadowed by the explosive percussions.
About the only thing migraine sufferers share is the horrendous pain. Cause and relief come in just about any form you can imagine. According to webmd.com, “Wake Forest University researcher, Timothy Houle M.D., led a small study in 2006. Male and Female migraine sufferers reported thinking more about sex than people who don’t get migraines. But other research has shown lower levels of sexual desire, and higher levels of sexual pain in people who get migraines.”
Some who suffer do not like to be touched. The physical stimulation irritates the pain. For me, it is the opposite. When Mr. Muscle lays hands on my scalp, back and neck I find it greatly comforting. I think migraine researchers have their work cut out for them. Migraines are as unique as the women (and men) who have them.
Migraines, like any chronic illness can put stress on the marriage bed. Our vows include ‘in sickness and in health.’ This vow doesn’t mean that the sick one always takes precedence. The sick one needs to consider the healthy one, just as much as the healthy one needs to consider the sick one. Sometimes as the sick one we get confused and think it is all about us.
To keep a marriage from being crippled by migraines, make the most of the time when you are symptom free. All marriage relationships thrive on loving words, kind and preferential actions, sweet gestures of non-sexual affection (hugs, hand holding), and participatory sexual intimacy. If your relationship lives in this atmosphere, a migraine will not be detrimental to the overall health of your marriage.
When a migraine strikes, do not let it get the best of your ability to control your reactions. Don’t be nasty. If it’s hard to not be grouchy, say nothing. By saying nothing, you will have nothing to regret. As someone with a tact problem, I learned this the hard way.
However, if a migraine strikes and there is bitterness or hostility already lurking around, it could add fuel to the fire.
As a personal testimony I will add that Mr. Muscle responds much more kindly to my migraines now that we are in Phase 2 of our marriage. Which has proven to me when sexual intimacy is thriving in a marriage, emotional intimacy is also thriving and there is a greater air of kindness.
So, what does this have to do with low libido? If you happen to be someone who suffers from migraines, just be mindful to make the most of the time you are symptom free. Try to be aware of triggers and take as many precautions as you can.
If they do strike, why not see if an orgasm is a pain remedy? If there is no way you can participate in sexual intimacy, promise your husband that you will fully participate in sexually intimacy as soon as the pain subsides. It does a tremendous amount for our husbands to know the promise of a rendezvous down the road, rather than having no promise to look forward to at all. It speaks volumes that you are still caring for his needs in spite of your migraine.
Scripture Meditation
This scripture is good for anytime we do not feel good and are tempted to take it out on our spouse.
“A fool uttereth all his mind, but a wise man keepeth it in until afterwards,”
Proverbs 29:11 (KJV)
Positive Affirmation
I control my reactions when I don’t feel good. I thrive on sexual intimacy with my husband. I thrive as a sexually charged wife.
What’s the Scripture and Affirmation about? Check out Unlock Your Libido: 52-Week Sex Drive Transformation.
Good post – it always amazes me how different people respond to different situations. Some like to be touched when the migraines come, some want to avoid touch. Like so many things in life we are different.
Thx, RHW! You learn what works for you and clue your spouse in on it. Wish there were more straight forward answers to the migraine puzzle.