At the beginning of the year, I conducted a survey in which over 300 women responded.  If you want to see an overview of their responses, see OysterBed7 Libido Survey.

Nearly 300 women wrote in comments to question #4, “What helps your low-libido?”  There were so many responses, I had to break them into several posts (See Part 1).

This is the second of several posts that focus on their comments (in italics).

Respondents said

My hubby and I slow down and just sit in the bed relaxed in each other’s arms. He gives me time to switch gears. Now on meds for depression and that helps a lot.

Decrease stress, which allows me to let go, works pretty well; Massage, gradual; Night out away from house, kids; remember who I am and release.

Rebuilding sexual trust, husband having less sexpectations!

More time – emotional connection.. trauma makes me feel used a lot so if i don’t feel special or wanted for more than that i don’t desire it.  Rape was first sexual experience and honestly, i wish i knew how to fix myself, can’t afford therapists as i am disabled but hurts me to know i am missing and hurts him…but i think all other partners of his faked cuz no woman claims O everytime….

The thing that has helped my libido the most is understanding God’s plan for sex. Growing up I was taught that sex was wrong and couldn’t even be brought up in conversation. Entering marriage incredibly naive and not understanding the purpose and necessity of good sex (and lots of it), affected our marriage. Because of my experience I’m making an effort to ensure my children do not enter marriage with skewed ideas about sex. We need to be teaching our sons and daughters about the opposite sex in a healthy, biblical way.

Figuring out God’s design and desire for what my marriage bed should be. Making it more an intentional decision, not just waiting on my body to signal me. Lots of tears and prayers! The past few years have been so much better for us.

Responding anyway- his desire can often wake mine.

Talking about it with my husband. Getting medication for anxiety/depression. Counseling. It’s a work in progress. I would say that for myself there are many factors to be considered. So trying to find a balance with all of those things to become the most healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I tried talking to my husband about more foreplay but in his experience I shouldn’t need too much and his former wife seemed to just automatically get wet and orgasm.

Just beginning to want to fix this; your 52 weeks; essential oils; lots of prayer

Honest discussion with the hubby, research, reminders to focus on preparing myself. All of these have helped somewhat.

My husband and I have made a conscious effort to move towards each other as we’ve aged and get healing for the wounds that contributed to our lack of connection. I’ve also been going to an herbalist to address my health issues related to the menopause. We commit our relationship to God and allow changes to come in approach and response, letting go of expectations that things must be a certain way. Lastly, we watch our attitude and make time for intimacy often regardless of each individual outcome. Intimacy is so much more than just a physical release. We’ve learned to pursue emotional, mental and spiritual intimacy as well. It has become a much richer experience, something we both look forward to.

Vaginal lubricants. Quick prayers.

If I am intentional about it, I usually enjoy sex with my husband. Anytime I make efforts to feel pretty and sexy, it is arousing and helps me desire him.

Keeping track of my cycle.

HRT (hormone replacement therapy).

When my husband is consistently the man he is supposed to be.

One on one time with my husband without the expectation of sex.

HRT therapy helps some. Encouraging husband to be more loving throughout the day.

Lubricants/toys.

Trying to view sex as a need/blessing for my husband regardless of whether I feel like it physically/mentally or not. Definitely doesn’t work all the time as my mind is much more powerful and my body just doesn’t get in gear when I know we should have sex.

Sometimes I just try to have sex more because it seems the more I have sex the more I want it.

I listened to what God has to say in 1 Corinthians 5. When I obeyed Him and tried to please my husband, He gave my desire back.

Foreplay, oral sex, being dominated.

Supplements, natural hormone replacement, small improvement over the last year.

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Our second son is getting married this weekend (See The Proposal)!  In the midst of all the madness, I have been crafting a lengthy discussion of “When Porn Comes to Your House,” for the Wisdom for Wives econference.  That’s why there were no posts last week.

My pop is doing very poorly.  My sister has been keeping me updated via text.  Could you please say a prayer for him?  He’s 89 today, March 17.  He’s a believer and is my hero.  As hard as it is to say this, he’s fought long enough on this side.  We are all praying for his painless, sweet transition to the reward that awaits him.