Would you join me in welcoming, Julie Sibert, to Oysterbed7?
Julie’s blog, Intimacy in Marriage, was one of the first Christian sex blogs that I began reading. Her authenticity and humor helped me understand that words like, “Christian,” and, “Sexy,” can be used in the same sentence. So, I’m thrilled that she has taken the time to share a few thoughts with you, today, about reclaiming sexual steaminess.
Let’s hear what Julie has to say.
Sex in marriage has the potential to usher us into profound oneness with the person we love. But too often, we don’t get there because we are still stumbling over sexual struggles. Have you ever felt that way? Have you found yourself hungering for more passionate sexual intimacy and, at the very same time, too paralyzed to take action in that direction? If so, you are not alone.
If you want more sexual freedom and passion in your marriage, a great place to start is unpacking what you think is holding you back. (Seems super obvious that we’d need to do this, but give yourself grace if it is a bit of a revelation right here in this moment. We are easily blind to the ways we need to grow – until we are truly ready to grow). I’m on your side when it comes to that growth, so keep reading for more encouragement.
Everyone is unique, of course, but here are some common sexual stumbling blocks:
- Skewed or negative perspectives about sex from growing up
- Pain from past sexual abuse
- Relationship discord
- Unwillingness to accept forgiveness for past sexual sins
- Confusion about what is sexually okay biblically
- Low sex drive
- Awkwardness in how to give and receive sexual pleasure
Maybe you see yourself in some of the above struggles or maybe it’s something completely different that is causing the lack of sexual connection in your marriage. Choose today to identify the specific struggle. Then take incremental steps toward finding healing and embracing all that can sex can be in your marriage.
A few other insights worth embracing…
Recognize that sex makes your marriage healthier
The covenant of marriage is the one place God is off-the-charts enthusiastic about a couple enjoying sex to the fullest. He’s a big fan! Why? Because He’s the author of sex! And He knows that sexual contact in marriage lends itself well to protecting and enriching the relationship. Recognizing the benefits of nurtured sexual intimacy often is good motivation to be more intentional about sex.
Don’t downplay the significance of sexual pleasure
Orgasm feels great, but some wives especially don’t seem to place much value on their own sexual pleasure. But your sexual pleasure and your husband’s are both equally important. Lovemaking without arousal and orgasm quickly becomes chore-like and boring, and no one likes to spend much time doing anything that is chore-like and boring. Have you been unconcerned with your pleasure? Maybe today is a day to start upping the value you place on being aroused and climaxing.
If you’ve struggled having an orgasm, it is worth it to learn more about your body and to open up communication with your husband about what you find arousing. Together the two of you can build safety and trust, which makes being vulnerable about arousal much easier.
Become a sex student for life
That sounds kind of odd, right? Become a sex student for life. But if you want to enjoy passionate and authentic sexual intimacy in your marriage not just now but for years to come, then keep learning about sex! The really good news is that there is no better time than now to be a Christian who wants Christian resources on sex.
Countless websites, books, podcasts and other resources are dedicated to helping husbands, wives and couples together learn more about healthy sexual intimacy. Many of the resources are free or reasonably priced. Investing in your marriage – including your sexual intimacy growth – is no different than the ways we invest time, money and energy into making other areas of our life better.
“Lifelong learners, you will not go wrong checking out Julie’s resources, especially her new course! I highly recommend Julie’s approach to creating a better connection in the bedroom!” ~ Bonny
If you would like to take an easy step in that direction, you can get a free guide on passionate sex God’s way at this link.
And if you want to dig a little deeper and learn even more, I just released a program called Better Sex in Your Marriage. I’m taking only 100 couples this first round, because it includes a BONUS Q&A where you can submit questions.
You’ll get other bonuses too, not to mention the core elements of five videos and downloadable PDFs. It may be just what you and your spouse need. You can find out all the awesome details at this link.
What’s holding you back from passionate sex in your marriage? Whether you know already or you are just starting on the journey to find out, stay the course till the struggles become fewer and fewer. You are worth it! Your marriage is worth it!
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Julie Sibert speaks and writes out of her own journey about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Nebraska with her husband, two sons and a rambunctious dog named Stella who is trying to destroy the yard.
