At the beginning of the year, I conducted a survey in which over 300 women responded. If you want to see an overview of their responses, see OysterBed7 Libido Survey.
Nearly 300 women wrote in comments to question #4, “What helps your low-libido?”
This will be the first of several posts that focus on their comments (in italics).
Respondents said
Asking my husband to kiss me for a longer period of time; experimenting with moves and placement of pillows, etc. Read, “Holy Sex,” by Dr. Greg Popcak.
Preparing myself for sex.
Just do it.
When I choose to have sex, my body is ready. Therefore if I can get my mind there, it is incredible.
I tried talking to my husband about more foreplay but in his experience I shouldn’t need too much and his former wife seemed to just automatically get wet and orgasm.
Drinking lots more water, less soda and rarely alcohol has helped with dryness. Consciously deciding to re-develop a meaningful friendship with my husband has helped to restore emotional balance. We’ve also begun the 40 Beads Method. Now, sex has become a “sure thing” the stress has been alleviated. My husband has made more of an effort to connect with me emotionally now that he knows we will connect physically (no pun intended). Click here to read more about the 40 bead method.
Getting off medication and reconnecting with my husband after infidelity
just to have him touch me or tell me how he loves me, touch my boobs, gentle pat my butt.
Dressing up, going out, doing really romantic stuff out on a date setting the mood from beginning of evening.
Going on a low-hormone pill was very successful. Choosing to engage even when I don’t want to works about three-quarters of the time.
Decrease stress, which allows me to let go, works. Massage, gradual. Night out away from house & kids, remember who I am and release.
When my husband is deliberate about our relationship.
Committing to have sex at least twice a week, make it as fun as possible. (Being pregnant hasn’t helped at all. Sex is not as simple and carefree as it used to be. it’s more work but I’m willing to do it… just not as often. Pregnancy sex happens more like once every two weeks.)
I’ve talked with my husband about my issues.
Talking about it with husband is sometimes helpful.
When my husband talks to me.
I have seen probably a 60-75% improvement in our sex life. Frequency is still an issue but my husband works many overnight shifts and we are torn over birth control methods right now. My strategy for improvement: Met with a doctor to help correct some physical issues, lots of prayer, reading blog posts from Christian women who encourage more sexual activity.
Low stress, time together, quitting my job helped.
Pushing through the fatigue.
When I feel connected to my husband.
Having sex regularly greatly helps me desire it more.
I tried the pomegranate juice and also clary sage and it helped until I forgot to get more juice. Science says Pomegranates may benefit sex drive, See Pomegranates & Sex.
Romantic movies, and having sexually charged thoughts of my husband.
Trying to give myself a few minutes when my husband gives me the green light.
31 days to great sex, but husband is fearful of failing and I’m fearful of pain. Have seen doctors to no avail for pain. Hormones are not option because of possible heart attacks/strokes.
Reading blogs like this one; having my husband place a glass heart in a dish to indicate interest in sex.
Reading books about sex, techniques, etc(and blogs like yours). ALL material from a Christian source.
Losing weight.
Vitamins.
Began to talk opening with my husband about our disconnect, we have been seeing a marriage counselor, reading blogs about why sex is important in a Christian marriage.
Reading that I am not the only one and when my husband confirms that he likes the way I look at 54 years old.
Reading about sex helps. Figuring out ways to make it flirty and exciting, maybe even a bit naughty.
Thinking of my husband above myself, trying to be creative, taking time to prepare for the evening, planning a nice dinner for my husband.
Studied scripture. Reading theologically sound books on martial intimacy.
Connecting Again.
Prayer, for him and for me. I respond primarily to kindness and attention from him. My body is perfectly willing until he’s rude or absent, and then it just “switches off”.
Being able to get away, both emotionally and physically.
Emotional intimacy, realistic expectations, being reminded that I’m not “broken” – climax is difficult b/c of meds, not me!
Building my marriage relationship. It’s easier to engage in sex if I feel emotionally connected to my husband. Working on reducing stress and taking care of my overall health (good diet, exercise).
Connecting with my husband during the day. Mixing in a little sexy talk during other activities makes both of us eager to be together when we have some privacy later.
Spending time at your website. Prescription for hormones. Reading Bible verses in your website, again & again. Praying together about low libido. Working on marriage with Bible verses and the book, “Love & Respect.”
Focused mental effort.
Recent doctor’s appointments. Attempting pain killers before intimacy.
Exercise, relaxation, chores done, kindness, thoughtfulness from husband, controlling my thought life (avoiding negative, focusing on positive).
Surrendering to God’s design for sex in marriage. Being able to share my thoughts with my husband and not forget how much God has blessed us in our marriage. I believe we have been successful. It is an ongoing process.
Bio-Identical Hormone Replacement Therapy and a praying husband.
Lingerie, talking about my real emotions, attitude.
I stopped taking birth control pills.
Medication, meditation.
Make a point to think about sex. If I don’t I forget that it even exists
Hormones. Moisturizers for vaginal lubrication.
Changed my attitude towards my intimacy with my sweetheart.
Quit taking birth control meds.
Learning specifics about sex: what turns me on.
Letting go of distractions, getting in a positive mindset, going for it when I’m in the mood, believing my husband’s compliments, prayer before having sex, reading godly encouragement. fairly successful. still feel I have a ways to go.
Focus on husband, more kissing, more touching, dating…prioritizing us
Final thoughts
Do you see a theme?
- Talking about sex openly and honestly with a compassionate husband who does not pass judgement.
- Thinking about sex
- Taking action. Doing something about their low-sex drive.
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On a personal note, we are gaining a second daughter-in-love this month! Wedding preparations are in full swing. Most days, our phones and emails are blowing up! I wish you could all join us for the rehearsal dinner, low country boil (i.e. shrimp boil).
Can I ask you to cover the newlyweds in prayer? Pray for all aspects of their emotional and spiritual health as they transition into life together. Thank you, sweet friends! It means a lot to me.
