What does feeling great about yourself have to do with your inner sensuality? A lot, actually. When you feel great about yourself you are relaxed, confident, and upbeat.
When you feel great about yourself, worry takes a backseat. When you feel great about yourself, you’re better able to roll with whatever happens. When you feel great about yourself, your curiosity appears. Feeling great about yourself also gives you the freedom to speak up in a kind way about your needs.
When we’re relaxed and confident it’s easier to embrace things that are hard for us, like the mystery of sexual expression.
I want you to feel great about yourself and find your inner sensual woman. That inner woman is adventurous and not constricted by worry and doubt.
Here are 5 things to know so you find her.
1. Feeling great about yourself isn’t arrogance.
Feeling great about yourself is filled with a lot of humility. Humility doesn’t mean you feel inferior or bad about yourself. Humility means you understand that your way of thinking, your way of seeing the world, isn’t the only way to see the world. No where does it say that a gentle and humble spirit can’t feel good about themselves.
2. Feeling great about yourself isn’t self-deception.
Honestly, I’m not a super confident person. But, I know what I do well. I “fake it until you make it,” very well. You might think this is a form of self-deception, but I beg to differ. “Fake it until you make it,” is just setting a goal and acting like the goal has already been achieved. The thing is, eventually the goal is actually achieved! Here’s my secret, I don’t know what I’m doing but I know the One who does. He has my entire life in His hand.
3. You are capable
“I can do this!” This is my “power phrase.” Seriously, I say it to myself a lot because I need help with courage. The thing is, it helps. It really does help me feel stronger.
You can do this, whatever “this” is for you. Whether you are dealing with big trauma, or little trauma, or just the potholes of life, you will not be crushed.
When we first moved into our south Florida home, we had a rash of “suicides.” For several weeks, I’d wake up to another species of wildlife floating dead in my pool. It always seemed to happen when Dave was away on business. So, I put on my big girl panties, grabbed the pool skimmer, and fished the critters out. It was gross, but I did it. Granted, that example is just a kind of minor pothole. But, the “can-do” attitude is the same for whatever you’re facing.
When I say, “I can do this,” I know that whatever I’m facing I’m not facing it alone. You and I, as believers, have a constant companion and source of strength.
You are capable and will not be crushed when you look at the mystery of sexual intimacy.
“…and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead,” Ephesians 1:19&20.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind,” 2 Timothy 1:7.
[See Take a Little Grit and Become a Pearl]
4. You matter
You matter to God and other people. God made you for a reason. We each have a ‘mission,’ while here on earth. You were created to be a part of something bigger than yourself.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do,” Ephesians 2:10.
Your past or your weakness doesn’t matter.
Although this isn’t original to me, this sums it up:
Noah got drunk
Abraham lied
Moses stuttered
Naomi was a widow
David had an affair
Jonah ran from God
Miriam was a gossip
Lazarus was DEAD
Martha was a worry wort
Paul was a murderer
Every person in that list turned toward God. God redeemed them and used them for the greater good.
More important to me and for those with sexual baggage are these women who are included in Christ’s genealogy, Tamar, Rahab, and Bathsheba. Women, especially women with sullied pasts, were not mentioned in Jewish genealogies. However, Christ created a new standard for women (and men) with sullied pasts. How beautiful that the women redeemed from sexual sin were an intimate part of Christ’s story.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17.
[See The Forgiven Wife’s Sexual Wholeness Series]
5. Don’t compare
Comparison kills. Heard that before?
Comparison leads to jealousy, envy, covetousness, and dissatisfaction. Comparison could also lead to haughtiness and arrogance. All those things kill our contentment by focusing us away from the fruit of the spirit.
The cure for comparison is recognizing your blessings and knowing all you are and all you have are because of the one above.
“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness,” 2 Peter 1:3.
[See Permission to Feel Beautiful]
Gratefulness, the cure for comparison
A 2003 study found that people who journaled about things they were grateful found increase in:
alertness
enthusiasm
determination
optimism
energy
Plus, those in the gratitude group experienced:
less depression and stress,
were more likely to help others,
exercised more regularly,
and made greater progress toward achieving personal goals.
Here’s an exercise to find your gratefulness. Imagine you lost the basics of stable living. You lost your house, source of income, and most importantly your favorite pair of comfy jammies. Now, don’t stay in that mental place of loss for too long but realize what their loss would mean to your quality of life. Quickly, mentally add each item back into your life. After each addition, think about how grateful you are to have that blessing. Give thanks to God for them.
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus,” 1 Thessalonians 5:18.
[See Gratitude: A Simple Way to Improve Sex Drive]
Final Thoughts
Feeling great about yourself employs the fruit of the spirit (peace, patience, joy, gentleness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control) and allows a greater space in your life for love of all kinds, including finding your sexual interest.
[See Rethinking Low Libido]
Feeling great about yourself just means you have a healthy sense of, “Hey! I’m OK!” In fact, if you are a follower of Christ you are more than OK.
“But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation – if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel,” Colossians 1:22-23.
Hi Bonny, I really liked this post. It’s definitely worth a reread or three!
I’m trying to do what you suggested and not read the posts here that don’t apply to me, or that would act as a trigger. But while I have plenty of (or far too much) sexual interest, I certainly don’t feel great about myself. While I enjoy the physical parts of sex, I rarely understand the intimacy part, because I often don’t feel worth loving or worthy of my husband’s attention. That sounds wrong when I type it but it makes sense in my head. So when I saw the title I thought “hmm…I wonder if feeling great(or even acceptable) about myself, could help me feel better about sex as far as being allowed to enjoy it and not see it as being pitied.
Anyhow, my very first thought when I started to read this post was “is she crazy? Feeling great, or even good, about myself would be complete arrogance.” That’s how I was brought up. Anytime I accomplished anything I was told not to be too excited or think I had done well, because that’s conceited and you can always do better next time.
My second thought was “what? Does she want me to be delusional?” I’m not even kidding! It’s like you’re reading my mind! Because I was also always told to never pretend to be something I’m not. So if I see myself as “good” or “worthy” – that seems delusional to me.
I don’t think I struggle a lot with point three. In an effort to be seen as worthy of anything growing up, I became a bit of an overachiever. So I did realize I was actually capable of a lot.
But you’re next point? “You matter”? Oh I’ve always struggled to believe that one. In fact, my husband gets really upset with me when I say “some people matter, and people like me – don’t.” But it’s so true. No, not in God’s eyes of course – and that’s all that should matter. But I was always backburnerered as a child, teen, young adult. My older sister was a tantrum thrower and my parents bent over backwards to keep her happy. My mom still does. My MIL is constantly catered to in order to avoid her screaming fits. I’ve always had to take a back seat, even at my own wedding. Until very recently, work and his coworkers were the most important thing in my husbands world. All of that combined to cement my belief that I’ve never mattered. And that’s okay. But I’d maybe like to matter just a little bit, to somebody. The women in my family still want to make sure I know I don’t matter, but my husband is trying to help change that view. It’s a work in progress,
And “don’t compare”? Yikes. That’s a hard one. I live in an area where everyone is better, thinner, prettier, smarter, more successful, etc. it’s hard not to compare. I’ll try, but let’s face it, I’ve been trying forever and I’ve yet to learn how to not compare. But I can try.
So you’ve given me TONS to think about and a different perspective. As I said I will be retreading this post again and again!
Becca, I’m glad this post resonated with you. I give God all the praise if you find it helpful and thought provoking. It’s very brave of you to think through this.
Have you ever considered volunteering somewhere? Of course, I don’t know what your daily schedule is and if this is something that would work in your life. But, I’ve found that volunteering has always helped me see that I do matter.
We are all still a work in progress. Keep pushing ahead, B!